(The screen fades in showing the NZWA Arena parking lot. The sign out front
flashes "NZWA Nitro Tonight-SOLD OUT" as cars continue to pull into the lot.
Scott Hudson steps out of one of the several trucks marked "NZ Sports Inc."
Walking up to the lobby entrance, he stops looking at the newly repaired
front window.)
Scott Hudson: What the....
(A blue Ford Escort pulls up to the lobby entrance nearly running over the
curb. Out of the passenger side door steps a bruised and bloody...)
Hudson: Mentski! What the....where have you been?
Mentski: (to the driver) Thanks, mate. (looking at Hudson) Where's the
rest?
In the ring?
Hudson: Rest? What do you mean? Where is Warrior?
Mentski: What? I left him laying on some sidewalk. They down to two yet?
Hudson: On a sidewalk? What....OH SH...
(Scott Hudson dives out of the way as a red Mustang convertible jumps the
curb and plows into Mentski driving him through the new front window. The
British king of extreme falls off of the hood and to the lobby entranceway
floor. Mike Tenay is seated on the passenger side and screaming. The
Degenerate Warrior is behind the wheel and laughing.)
Mike Tenay: MY CAR! MY CAR! I just got it!
Degenerate Warrior: (pushing Tenay into the floorboard as he climbs over
what's left of the windshield) Shut up, bitch. Thought you got rid of
me, Ski? Not a chance!
(Warrior jumps off of the hood hitting Ski in the back of the head. He
reaches to pick Mentski up by the hair, but Ski nails DW in the crotch.)
Mentski: You bloody Cunt!
(Ski grabs Warrior and sends him flying into a crowd of fans who have
gathered to watch the melee. Tenay is out of the car and kneeling by the
front fender.)
Tenay: (crying over a large dent) My car! (pointing at Mentski) I'm suing!
I'm suing both of your asses!
Mentski: Sue this....(grabs Tenay by the head)
(Mentski pulls Tenay up on the hood and Evenflow DDT's him on top of the
car. Ski rolls off of the car and runs after Warrior, who is just getting
back on his feet. The brawl all the way down the hall.)
Hudson: (stepping through the broken window) Oh my god, Mike! Wait a
minute, I wonder if this means that I get to announce tonight?
(As Hudson runs out to the production truck, the screen fades and the NZWA
logo flashes across the screen. The NZWA Nitro music begins to play and the
inside of the arena is shown. The NZ Tron is shown standing proudly at the
top of the entrance ramp as pyro explodes all around. Fire shoots out of
the top of all four ring posts as the host of the program begins to speak.)
Tony Schiavone: Welcome everyone to the NZWA Arena and NZWA NITRO!
(Schiavone is shown sitting at the announcers table dressed in a blue suit.
His cohost is dressed in a large brown suit and sitting at his side.)
At my side filling in for the apparently injured Mike Tenay is Mark Madden!
Mark Madden: THAT'S RIGHT, TONY! THE TRUE MARK IS IN THE HOUSE! CAN YOU
BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED? OH MY GOD!
Schiavone: (pulling his fingers out of his ears) You don't have to scream
every damn time you speak! The three people who changed the channel can
still hear you!
Madden: I CAN'T HELP IT, TONY! IT'S JUST SO EXCITING!
Schiavone: I have Tank's number....
Madden: Sorry...
Schiavone: That's better....well, I can't believe it either. The last time
we saw the Degenerate Warrior and Mentski they were leaving on a bus at the
Clash. Now they're fighting somewhere in the back and apparently they think
that
the title match is still going on.
Madden: Well, Tony, they were never pinned!
Schiavone: Well, I don't.....what? (holding finger up to his earpiece)
We've got to go to the back!
(Mentski is shown flying into a stack of crates somewhere backstage.
Warrior runs after him kneeing him in the head as he tries to get up.
Warrior grabs a cord laying by and begins to choke Ski with it. Terry
Taylor and three referees run into the frame and try to break up the fight.)
Terry Taylor: Warrior! (pulling at Warrior's arm) Let him up! Let go,
Warrior!
Warrior: (pushing Taylor) Get away from me! I didn't make the rules for
this match!
Taylor: Match? What match?
Warrior: (dropping Ski to the floor) The title match, you idiot! What match
do you think I'm talking about?
Taylor: From the Clash? You didn't hear? That match is over and Cathy won.
Mentski: (getting to his feet) Cathy? Are you kidding me?
Warrior: How the hell can Cathy win when we're still in the match, Tori?
Taylor: It's Terry and the ref called the match and threw you guys out.
Hell, you left on a bus!
(Warrior grabs Taylor by the jacket and Mentski takes off his glasses.)
Warrior: I don't care what some ref did!
Mentski: Me either! The rules said you had to be eliminated by pin or
submission! I'm still in the match!
Warrior: I am too, you crumpet-eating fairy!
Mentski: I pinned you on the sidewalk....
Warrior: (throwing Taylor down) There was no referee!
Mentski: Who needs a bleeding ref? (nails Warrior in the jaw)
(Mentski grabs Warrior and slings him into the wall. They tie-up again and
brawl down the hall toward the ring. Terry Taylor and the three referees
are left with dumb looks on their faces.)
Taylor: (getting up off the ground) Jerry......
(Referee Jerry Wiley walks up to Taylor still dressed in his street
clothes.)
Go down to the ring. You have a match to officiate.
Ref Wiley: What? The match is over, Terry.
Taylor: As head of the NZWA Championship Committee I'm making an executive
decision and the match will continue! They weren't eliminated and there
must be a winner!
Ref Wiley: What about Cathy? What about Zombie?
Taylor: Don't worry about him.....just get to the ring.
(Referee Wiley runs off after Mentski and Warrior leaving Taylor and the
other two refs.)
Taylor: I have to make a phone call....
(Zombie and Cathy are shown sitting in Zomb's office. Cathy is sitting on
the couch dressed in a leather skirt with a black t-shirt. The NZWA World
title is sitting in her lap. Zombie, dressed in a Zombie "I've Got My Eye
on You" t-shirt with black jeans, is sitting at his desk. Both are watching
a wide screen television built into the wall.)
Zombie: (Throwing his phone up against the wall) Damn him, that little
bastard! I should have never hired his ass!
Cathy: What do we do now?
Zombie: We take care of this.....Zombie style! Come on.....
(Both leave the office as the TV in the wall shows Warrior tumbling down the
entrance ramp and towards the ring.)
Madden: God! Did you hear that? How can Tori restart the match?
Schiavone: Well, he's the head of the Championship Committee.
Madden: He's not the boss, Tony! He can't do that!
Schiavone: Don't tell me, tell these guys!
(Warrior throws Mentski into the guard rail and then bangs his head into the
ring steps.)
Warrior throws Ski into the ring!
Madden: Look, Tony, we have a drunk and a Brit in the ring. Top notch
entertainment.
Schiavone: Oh be quiet! Warrior sends Mentski into the ropes. Warrior with
a clothesline....NO! Mentski ducks and around Warrior.....Back Drop Driver
on Warrior!
Madden: What are you Tenay now?
Schiavone: Bite me, Tubby. Ski pulls Warrior up.....
Madden: Why didn't he go for the cover?
(Mentski grabs Warrior in a front facelock and jumps into the air driving
his head into the mat.)
Schiavone: Evenflow DDT! Mentski with a cover!
One......two.....
WHACK!
(Zombie crashes a chair into Mentski's back as Cathy slides under the bottom
rope.)
Madden: The boss is here! Now we'll get this mess straightened out!
Schiavone: Zombie and Cathy in the ring attacking the Warrior and Mentski!
She's in the match too, but Zombie's already been eliminated!
Madden: He's the boss, Tony! He does what he wants!
(Cathy spreads DW's legs and kneedrops him in the family jewels. Zombie,
meanwhile, nails Mentski with a Double Arm DDT. He then waves to the back
as if telling someone to come to the ring.as the crowd chants "ASSHOLE
ASSHOLE".)
Schiavone: He's calling someone!
Madden: Duh? Really? It's good ole Referee Johnny Tingle!
Schiavone: He was the ref last week!
Madden: He's the head ref, Tony. He has every right to referee this match.
(Referee Wiley argues with Zombie and gets a fist in the jaw. Zombie then
throws him out of the ring and Cathy nails Warrior with a legdrop off of the
top rope.)
DID YOU SEE THAT? SHE'S AMAZING!
Schiavone: Tank, Tubby....
(Madden looks at Schiavone as Zombie tells Cathy to cover the fallen
Warrior. Zombie then stands on the second turnbuckle facing the crowd with
his arms in the air. The fans stand to their feet looking toward the
entranceway as if someone is coming to the ring.)
A cover by Cathy!
One........two........
(Varjay pulls Referee Tingle out of the ring breaking the count. Zombie
turns seeing him, but is met with a Missile Dropkick off of the top rope by
Dead Hardy.)
Varjay! Dead Hardy! They've evened this thing up!
Madden: No no no! I hate these guys! Noooooo!
(Cathy jumps up screaming at Varjay on the apron. She tries to grab him,
but he falls to the floor draping her neck across the tope rope sending her
crashing backwards to the mat.)
Schiavone: Varjay's in the ring. He has Tingle!
(Varjay, holding Tingle by the collar, points to Hardy and the crowd
explodes. Tingle begs for his life, but Varjay throws him to Hardy who
catches him by the neck and bounces off of the turnbuckle nailing him with
his Ashes to Ashes maneuver.)
AND TINGLE IS GONE! Ski is up and he has the chair!
Madden: He set it up in the ring. What's he gonna do? Have a seat? I knew
he was a slacker, but that's ridiculous!
(Ski takes Cathy and sends her into the ropes. She bounces off of the ropes
and he catches her with a drop-toe hold into the chair.)
NO! NOT CATHY! SHE'S THE CHAMPION!
Schiavone: No! We have no champion! Hardy sends Zombie towards Varjay! A
backbody drop to the outside!
Madden: What's he gonna do?
(Hardy runs at Varjay and jumps into his hands. Varjay throws Hardy up into
the air sending him backflipping over the ropes and into Zombie who has
gotten to his feet.)
OH MY GOD! HE'S INSANE!
Schiavone: I can't believe what I'm seeing! Varjay with a springboard off
of the turnbuckle! To the outside!
Madden: He hit both of them! Help the boss! Help the boss!
(Mentski pulls up Cathy, but she nails him between the legs. After giving
him a DDT, she climbs up to the top turnbuckle.)
Schiavone: Cathy's gonna fly! No, she isn't!
(Varjay hits Cathy's leg causing her to fall straddling the turnbuckle.
Mentski climbs the turnbuckle and grabs Cathy in a headlock. He then jumps
off driving her facefirst into the mat with a super bulldog.)
SKI-DOG! A SKI-DOG!
Madden: NO! NO!
Schiavone: Wiley's back in the ring! A cover by Mentski!
One.....Two......THREE!
Mentski pins Cathy! She's eliminated!
Madden: No, she's the champ! They can't do this!
(Mentski, his face stained with dried and fresh blood, stands with his arms
in the air.)
He doesn't see him, Tony!
(Ski turns around and is met with a flying shoulderblock off of the top rope
by Warrior. Warrior runs into the ropes, bounces off of the opposite side,
and jumps into the air hitting Mentski with a big splash.)
Schiavone: Warrior hooks the leg!
One.....Two.......THREE!
WARRIOR WINS! HE'S THE WORLD CHAMPION!
Madden: NOOOOOO! Anyone but him! Anyone but the drunk!
(Referee Jerry Wiley hands the title belt to the Degenerate Warrior and
raises his hand. The crowd explodes as the Warrior's theme begins blasting
through the arena.)
Schiavone: The Degenerate Warrior is our new World champion! Can you
believe it?
Madden: I can't believe the injustice! Cathy won the match at the Clash and
now the drunk is the champion? You gotta be kidding me, Tony!
Schiavone: We'll be right back!
(The Warrior is standing on the turnbuckle holding the title belt in the air
as the crowd goes wild and a fan throws him a beer. Warrior pops the top
and guzzles it down pouring some on the title belt. As the celebration
continues, the screen fades to black.)
~cut to commercial~
(Cathy is shown in a red velvet dress laying across a small bed covered in
white satin sheets. The backdrop is white and she is looking at the camera
while holding a single red rose.)
Cathy: What do you do when you feel it deep in your blood?
(She runs the stem of the rose through her hand cutting herself on one of
the thorns. Drops of blood fall on the white sheets and spread out.)
When the very thought of them.......drives you mad.
(She gives a devilish smile towards the camera.)
When you know you can't live without them....and they won't live without
you.
(Grabbing the bud of the rose in her hand, she tears it off of the stem.)
What do you do to win them over?
(A round shadow of something sitting on a what appears to be a pillar is
shown.)
You give them love.......Zombie Love.
(The light shines on the pillar and an eye-shaped bottle with a silver top
appears. The words "Zombie Love" written on it is shown.)
Awaken the passion of a thousand flaming tables.
(She holds the bottle in her right hand while sitting up on the bed.)
Zombie Love by Kalvin Cleen....when you only have one eye to give.
Voice: Zombie Love is available now at the NZWA Store! Call 1-800-buy-NZWA!
That's 1-800-buy-NZWA! Get it now!
~end of commercial~
(The screen fades into the office of Terry Taylor. He is sitting at his
desk talking to someone on the phone.)
Taylor: Yeah, I know what you mean. Well, I'm glad to hear you're feeling
better and ready to go again. What? Don't worry about it. I have the
papers right he...
(The door crashes down as Zombie and a woozy Cathy push their way in through
NZ Sports security.)
(jumping up from his desk) What the hell are you doing? Have you lost your
mind?
Zombie: YOU SLIMY BASTARD! Go behind my back will you!
Taylor: What? I'm on the phone!
(Zombie grabs the phone ripping it out of the wall and throws it at the
television.)
Zombie: Not anymore! And you'll never meddle in my business again!
Taylor: I'm head of the Championship Committee, damn it! I acted according
to my position and the rules!
Zombie: THE RULES! HAHAHAHA! I make the rules around here!
(He pushes Taylor, but Terry pushes Zombie back.)
Taylor: I made an executive decision! I made the right decision and I'll
make it again, you one-eyed asshole! That's my job!
Zombie: Well, I'll fix that right now! YOU'RE FIRED!
Taylor: What? You can't fire me!
Zombie: Like I told you, I run this place! (to the security) Grab this
loser and throw him out of my building!
(The security guards look at each other puzzled and then grab Taylor by his
arms leading him out of the room.)
Taylor: Let go of me! Zombie, you bastard! You're not gonna get away with
this!
Zombie: I already have, my little Tori. Oh, and here's your severance pay.
(grabs Taylor by the head and punches him in the face) Take him away!
Security Guard: What about his stuff, boss?
Zombie: Just leave it. I can always use extra firewood and toilet paper.
(The guards pull Taylor down the hall as Zombie and Cathy are left laughing
in his office.)
We're not finished yet, my dear. We've only just begun. Come on!
(Zombie and Cathy are shown leaving as the screen cuts to Mean Gene standing
with the new NZWA World Champion, The Degenerate Warrior. Warrior has the
title belt over his shoulder and a bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand.)
Mean Gene: Degenerate Warrior, how does it feel to be the new World champ?
Warrior: MEEEEEAAANNNNN (burp) GENE! It feels damn good to be champ, but
better knowing I won it beating that English muffin! Drinks are on me!
(takes a swig from the bottle)
Mean Gene: (looking at the bottle) Uh.....on you? Er...you mind?
Warrior: What? Hell no! Just leave me some...here.
(Warrior hands the bottle to Gene, who in turn gives him the mic and throws
the bottle back.)
It's about time that this Mickey Mouse fed has a champ that the people can
be proud of! (burp) Ooo...tastes like shrimp. I didn't eat shrimp
today...oh well. Damn it, Gene! I said leave me some! (slaps Gene in the
back of the head, but he doesn't stop drinking)
I'm not gonna be a closet champion! Hell, if they wanted a champ that's in
the closet then they should have let Matango win! I'll defend the title
anywhere, at anytime, and against whatever wannabe loser that wants to get
his ass handed to him.
Voice: that's good!
(Zombie and Cathy walk on screen with five guys wearing NZ Security
t-shirts. Warrior takes a step back as Gene slurps air from the bottle.)
Zombie: It's nice to know you're such an honorable champion and such a
fighter. You're gonna need all of that tonight, because you've got a title
defense...TONIGHT!
Mean Gene: (throwing the bottle down) Wha? He ca....(burp)..he..he...(looks
at Warrior) didn't you just win? (hic)
Zombie: That's the beauty of it, Gene! This "great champion" said he would
fight anyone at anytime. So, tonight you're taking on my Cathy and Husker
Du...in a THREE WAY DANCE! Husker owes me a favor and after all, my beloved
should be the rightful champ.
Mean Gene: (stumbling around) You...you..can't..
Warrior: It doesn't matter, Gene. (looks at Zombie) Doesn't matter at all!
I'll be happy to kick Du-do's ass and put your bitch in her place!
(Cathy reaches for Warrior, but the security guards hold her back. Mean
Gene falls to the floor.)
Zombie: Easier said than done. Just polish up that belt, bitch! Tonight
it's coming back where it should be and your going to Betty Ford!
Warrior: What? You bastard!
Zombie: That's right! If you lose, then it's off to the Betty Ford clinic!
Damn I'm good!
Mean Gene: (jumping up off the ground) Betty Ford! I don't need treatment!
Warrior: Shut up, Gene! (points at both Zombie and Cathy) Tonight, I fry
both your asses! (turns and walks off screen)
Zombie: That's one down....two more to go.
(Cathy pushes Gene as the group leaves walking down the hall. The camera
cuts to the announcer's booth showing Schiavone and Madden, who is eating a
sandwich.)
Schiavone: Did you hear that? I can't believe it! Warrior just won the
title after going throw hell with Mentski on the bus and after what went
down here, he has to defend?
Madden: (wiping his mouth) mummffmeld....
Schiavone: What? Will you stop talking with your mouth full!
(Madden swallows and takes a sip of water.)
Madden: What I said was, He's a "fighting champion" and Zombs knows best.
After all Tony, he's the boss! He can do whatever he wants. I wonder what
he meant by "two to go?"
Schiavone: I don't...(puts his hand to his ear) What?
Madden: What is it? Tell me! Tell me!
Schiavone: I've just been informed that Zombie has ordered Dead Hardy to
wrestle him in an INFERNO MATCH....TONIGHT!
Madden: Are you kidding me? This is awesome! I told you, Tony. The boss
will do whatever he wants!
(The arena lights begin to flash and dim as "Wherever I May Roam" by
Metallica begins to play. The NZ Tron flashes pictures of Fett doing moves
of various opponents. As the Tron shows a picture of him wrapped in barbed
wire, Fett appears on the entrance ramp. Dressed in black tights with the
words Fett wrote down both legs and a carrying a ladder, he makes his way
down to the ring.)
Schiavone: Well, we have to get to our first official match. It's a Triple
Threat match with Hellfire rules. For those of you who don't know, Hellfire
rules are the NZWA's own brand of hardcore! There's no telling what you
might see.
Madden: I'm almost afraid to ask. Do you think we should be sitting this
close to the ring? And speaking of Hellfire, do you think the boss will
flamebroil Hardy or just fry him?
Schiavone: Oh shut up...
("Stiff Upper Lip" by AC/DC begins to blast out of the speakers as Klumpper
The Sheepherder walks out from behind the curtain. He is dressed in
camouflage pants with a matching vest and carrying a baseball bat.)
Madden: He doesn't look like a baseball player to me, Tony. At least Sid
played softball...
(Klumpper climbs up onto the ring apron, but is nailed in the head with
Fett's ladder. He falls to the floor and Fett lifts up the ladder slamming
it down on top of him.)
Schiavone: They aren't waiting! Fett slingshot over the top rope and hit's
him with a kneedrop!
Madden: MY GOD! DID YOU SEE THAT?
Schiavone: Don't start that again! (hits Madden in the head with his water
bottle)
(Fett pulls Klumpper to his feet and hurls him into the steel ring steps.
He then picks the ladder back up and falls backward with it nailing the
sheepherder in the head.)
Madden: He going after a table, Tony. This one's gonna be quick!
(Fett lays Klumpper across the table and climbs atop the turnbuckle. As he
raises his hands motioning to the crowd, Montyrob slides out from under the
ring.)
What the? He was under the ring!
Schiavone: Really...jeesh...
(Montyrob jumps up and grabs Fett slamming him down into the center of the
ring with a Superplex off of the turnbuckle.)
Now everybody is in! Montyrob with a legdrop! Where is he going?
(The big man walks over to the turnbuckle and begins to pull at the pad
covering the turnbuckle.)
Madden: He's supposed to tear up his opponent, not the ring!
(Montyrob tears the pad off and throws it into the crowd. He turns around
and reaches for Fett, who is now on his feet and hunched over.)
Schiavone: WHAT THE? HE THREW FIRE IN HIS FACE! Montyrob's on the ground
screaming! Fett tried to burn his face off!
Madden: Hey! You won't let me scream.
(Schiavone hits Madden again with the bottle as Fett stomps Montyrob in the
head. Klumpper climbs back into the ring, but Fett throws fire in his face
as well. He looks at both downed wrestlers and grabs Montyrob by the legs
lifting him into a modified Boston Crab.)
The Rancor Tamer! He's got him locked in!
(Klumpper falls out of the ring as Revelations and Eclipse run down to the
ring.)
Schiavone: What are they doing here? OH! Revelations nails Fett in the
head with...what is that? A tire iron?
Madden: Yeah! I guess he thought Fett was a little flat.
Schiavone: (gives Madden a disgusted look) Eclipse and Revelations are
beating the hell out of Fett! Eclipse lifting Fett on to his shoulders for
a powerbomb...NO! Rev grabs him in a Inverted DDT! They both slam him down
at the same time!
Madden: What a cool move! I've never seen that! I'm sure Tenay has, but I
haven't. When he gets back he'll have to name it.
Schiavone: Concentrate on the match, will you! Why did they attack Fett?
(Montyrob gets to his feet as Rev and Eclipse turn around. The duo look at
each other and then attack him. Montryrob tries to fight them off, but
Revelations kicks him between the legs and he goes down.)
They can't lift that big man up!
Madden: THEY DID! THEY DID! Oh...sorry...
Schiavone: I'll allow it. I can't believe it either!
(Klumpper nails Eclipse in the back, but the two assault him as well and put
him in their maneuver.)
They've beaten up everybody! And this is Hellfire rules! There's no DQ!
Madden: They've put Montyrob on Klumpper!
Schiavone: Referee Biff Tannen doesn't know what to do...
(The pair grab the referee and shove him to the mat pointing at the "pin
attempt." The ref hesitates and then begins to count.)
One....Two....Three!
Montyrob wins? What the hell is going on here?
Madden: I told you already, Tony. The boss is in charge!
(Eclipse throws the referee out of the ring as Revelations grabs the
microphone and begins to speak as trainers pull Montyrob and Co. out of the
ring.)
Revelations: As you can see, me and my...partner here decided to come out
and make a statement. Seeing how I've always believed that actions speak
louder than words, I decided to make a little example of our...(making a
quotation gesture with his fingers) Hellfire division.
(Eclipse begins to stomp around the ring pulling at the opening on his
leather mask around the mouth.)
Um...don't worry. We'll eat soon. (looks back toward the camera) I don't
really give a damn about these idiots anyway. I'm here for one
reason....Varjay.
Schiavone: Varjay? Did Zombie put him up to this?
Rev: Varjay, you overbearing egotistical piece of shit!
Madden: He can't say that!
Schiavone: Actually he can....this isn't WCW and our censors don't come to
the Nitros.
Madden: Really? Cool! Why don't they come?
Schiavone: We always give them the wrong directions to the event.
Madden: Smart...
Rev: YOU TWO SHUT THE HELL UP!
(Schiavone and Madden freeze in the seats. A small puddle forms under
Madden's seat.)
As I was saying...Var, at the clash you made the worst mistake you could
have made. You put your hands on my girl! You took her, an innocencent
bystander, and put her threw a table with that damn move of yours!
(Eclipse grabs the mic and makes some incoherent growling sounds into it
before Revelations can pull it away.)
Me too! Well, tonight...by order of our esteemed owner and new Head of the
NZWA Championship Committee, Zombie...you've got us in a tag match! Not
just
any tag match mind you, but a No Holds Barred Tornado Tag match! And don't
worry about any bias, one-sided officials Var....cause my little gal Mystic
will call it right down the middle.
(The crowd begins to scream as all of a sudden the lights go out. A "V"
begins to flash across the NZ Tron and both men tense up as if expecting a
fight. An explosion of pyro rocks the stage as "Bullgod" by KidRock begins
to play. Out from behind the curtain steps Varjay The Great. He lifts his
mic up to his mouth and begins to speak.)
Schiavone: It's Varjay!
Madden: I hate that guy!
Varjay: How long are you two retards going to bore these fine people? Don't
you know we're doing a program here? Half the people at home are watching
Andy Griffin reruns right now because of you two idiots!
Rev: You bastard! Talk all you want! Tonight you're getting your ass
kicked and there's nothing you can do about it!
Var: Why are you so preoccupied with my ass? (scratches his chin) Well, I
always wondered why you walked behind me....
(Revelations starts stomping visibly upset as Eclipse falls through the
ropes and to the floor staring in Varjay's direction.)
Rev: You're through! I know for a fact that nobody in the back will team
with you! I'm not the only one fed up with your "high and mighty" ego!
Var: Ego? Eggo? Leggo my ego? You just keep your eyes to yourself, feed
your....whatever the hell he is, and I'll bring some knee pads of your
"lovely" gal. I hear her job can be murder on the knees. Then again, she
could meet the president.
Rev: YOU BASTARD!
(Rev climbs out of the ring and runs up the ramp with Eclipse in tow.
Varjay raises his hands in the air and brings them down suddenly. Pyro
explodes hurling the two would be assailants back down the ramp. The smoke
clears and Varjay is nowhere to be seen, but his voice rings through the
sound system.)
Var's voice: Tonight......consider both of your asses VARJIZED!
Schiavone: He nearly blew up Revelations and Eclipse!
Rev: (getting back to his feet) I forgot to tell you, asshole...you lose
tonight, you're FIRED! And I GUARANTEE YOU'RE GONNA LOSE! HAHAHA! Come on,
you freak!
(The unlikely team walks through the curtains as the screen cuts to Zombie's
office. Zombie is sitting in a leather chair drinking a glass of champagne
with Cathy sitting on top of his desk. Suddenly the door burst open and
Dead Hardy storms into the room. Cathy jumps to her feet grabbing a nearby
bat. Zombie remains in his chair looking at Hardy with his good eye.)
Dead Hardy: We gotta talk...
Zombie: (to Cathy) it's alright, my dear....the boy just wants to talk.
(looking back at Hardy) What can I do for you? Little scared of fire?
Hehe...
Hardy: Hell no! I've got a proposition for you...
Zombie: I'm listening...
Hardy: We have a match tonight...an inferno match.
Zombie: Right...(takes a sip of his glass)
Hardy: Well, I say if I beat you...when I beat you, I get a title shot.
Since you've put your....friend here in the title match already.
Zombie: That's nice, but why should I give you a title shot? What's in it
for me?
Hardy: If you win, I'll retire...I'll walk out and never wrestle again.
Zombie: (looks at Hardy for a moment) Interesting, but not good enough. I
don't want you to retire. I'll give you a shot if you win, but if I
win...you become something me and my sweet really need...
Hardy: And that is?
Zombie: A maid...this place is a pigsty.
Hardy: Your butler?
Zombie: Not butler, boy...maid. With a little French maid's outfit and
everything. You'll be cute as a button. Oh and you would only wrestle when
I say from then on. Like when I need to get over one of the jobbers or
something.
Hardy: (looks hard at Zombie for a moment) Doesn't matter, because I'm going
to beat your ass. You're on...
Zombie: Deal...
(Hardy turns and leaves the office.)
Silly boy....didn't anyone ever tell him not to make deals with the devil?
HAHAHAHAHA!
(Zombie and Cathy toast their glasses as the screen cuts show Matango and
Kalee WALKING TO THE RING. The screen then shows RnR StoneCold WALKING TO
THE RING before it cuts to a commercial.)
~cut to commercial~
(Husker Du is shown standing against a black backdrop in a Husker Du "Just
Du It" t-shirt.)
Husker Du: Ever wanted to look just like your favorite NZWA superstar?
(Matango, wearing a Matango "Remember the Name" t-shirt is shown.)
Matango: Well, you can't because you're too damn ugly!
(Next, Fett and Dead Hardy are shown. Fett is wearing a Fett "This is My
World" t-shirt. Hardy is wearing his "Technical Insanity" t-shirt.)
Fett: But you can buy the new officially licensed NZWA t-shirts.
Hardy: and our graphic T's.
(Varjay, wearing a Varjay "Natural Born Master" t-shirt, appears on screen.)
Var: You can be a natural born master.
(Montyrob dressed in a NZWA hat and his "Big Man on Campus" graphic t-shirt
is shown on screen.)
Montyrob: Or just show everyone who the real big man is.
(RnR StoneCold is shown wearing his "Rattlesnake" graphic T.)
RnR StoneCold: You can be a rattlesnake.
(Dressed in his "British King of Extreme" t-shirt, Mentski appears on
screen.)
Mentski: Or your very own king of extreme...
(The number flashes across the bottom of the screen as pictures of the
shirts, hats, and posters are shown.)
Voice: That's 1-800-BUY- NZWA! 1-800-BUY-NZWA!
(Matango appears wearing an NZWA "Pain Never Felt So Good" t-shirt.)
Matango: With a shirt like this everyone will remember your name.
~end of commercial~
("Remember the name" blasts throughout the arena as "Lunation" by DJ Krush
begins to play. Images of Matango flash across the screen as through the
curtain a female leg appears. It flexes up and down until Kalee, wearing a
green sequined dress appears. She saunters halfway down the ramp before
pointing back toward the entranceway. Dressed in green tights with black
trim steps...)
Schiavone: It's Matango! The US champ is here!
Madden: Forget about him! It's Kalee! Whoo hoo! Did you see her leg?
Schiavone: Take a cold shower! Matango is here tonight to defend the US
title against the one and only RnR StoneCold.
Madden: Kalee!
Schiavone: Ok....anyway, this is result of what happened at the Clash of
Champions where RnR eliminated the US champ from that mess that was our main
event.
Madden: OH MY GOD! Did you see that? When she got into the ring?
Schiavone: Please...(looks at the monitor) Damn...uh...Well, this actually
started before RnR left the NZWA...for reasons which are still cloudy. And
tonight finally after all this time we're all going to find out just who is
the better man!
Madden: (looking at the monitor and talking into a cellular phone)
Yeah...replay the ring entrance. What? Uh....Tony told me to...
Schiavone: Give me that!
(Tony takes the phone away from Madden as Matango grabs the microphone and
begins to speak.)
Matango: RnR StoneCold...(the crowd explodes at the mention of his name)..at
the Clash you, who at the time wasn't even in the damn company, had the
audacity not only to interfere in MY title shot (pause while Kalee blows
kisses at the crowd) but cost me that same title.
(Matango climbs up onto the turnbuckle and looks toward the entranceway.)
Well, tonight you get a shot at my title. You want my title? Well, you can
have it!
Madden: What?
Matango: That's right! You come down here, bend over, and I'll shove it
straight up your ASS!
Schiavone: My god! This is amazing...
Matango: Tonight the Big Tango's gonna take your monkey ass and brand his
name on your soul! And then you'll remember the name........
(The sound of glass breaking fills the arena as the crowd explodes and
"StoneCold's Theme" begins to play. Charging out of the back dressed in
black tights and a "Rattlesnake" t-shirt is RnR StoneCold.)
Schiavone: STONECOLD! THE RATTLESNAKE IS HERE!
Madden: Nooo! Kalee run!
(RnR hits the ring and ducks a Matango clothesline attempt. The champ
bounces off of the ring ropes and gets nailed by a Thesz Press. The
Rattlesnake punches Matango repeatedly in the head and then gets right in
his face shooting him the finger.)
Schiavone: Kalee's on the apron!
Madden: No! Kalee get away! He's a maniac!
(Kalee blows a kiss at RnR, but he flips her off and kicks Matango in the
gut sending him crashing into the corner. Matango bounces out of the corner
and swings at RnR, but he ducks going for the Stunner.)
Schiavone: Stunner.....NO! He sent him into Kalee! She crashed down to the
floor!
Madden: Oh no! I'll go give her mouth to mouth! (starts to get up)
Schiavone: (grabbing Madden by his coat) Will you sit down!
(Matango pulls himself back to his feet and nails RnR in the head with a
forearm. He sends StoneCold into the ropes and catches him in a Spinebuster
Slam. Matango then grabs both feet and drops a knee right in RnR's "private
area." Matango goes for the cover.)
One...
No! He's not gonna pin RnR like that!
Madden: Let me just give her a little tongue...
Schiavone: NO!
(The champ grabs StoneCold and throws him out of the ring. Climbing down
out of the ring Matango looks at Kalee trying to get up and then runs at
RnR. The Rattlesnake ducks and grabs Matango sending him into the ring
post. RnR gets to his feet and sees Kalee holding her arm. He looks at
Matango laying on the floor and then back at the fallen valet. He then
bends down to try to help Kalee to her feet.)
I can't believe he's helping her.
Madden: Great! He gets to give her mouth to mouth!
Schiavone: Will you shut up about mouth to mouth or I'll give you foot to
ass!
(RnR helps Kalee to her feet, but is plastered from behind by Matango who
has a chair. Kalee falls down on the floor again. Matango pulls RnR up and
throws him into the ring.)
Kalee: (getting back to her feet) My arm!
Matango: Your arm? I'm trying to kick this moron's ass and you constantly
get in the way. Why don't you help your man for once?
(The champ climbs up on the apron and onto the top turnbuckle.)
Madden: This is it, Tony! It's over!
(Kalee suddenly climbs up on the apron and starts yelling at Matango.)
Kalee: Help your man? Who do you think carries this team? You? These
people came to see me!
Matango: Can we please talk about this some other time? I'm trying to win a
damn match!
Kalee: We'll talk about this when I say we talk about this!
Matango: Will you get off the apron! You b...
Kalee: Don't you call me (slaps Matango sending him falling off of the
turnbuckle)
(Matango gets back up and gets right in Kalee's face as they argue. RnR
gets to his feet and looks at the two arguing.)
Kalee: I thought you beat him, damn it!
Matango: What?
(Matango turns around and gets speared out of his mind. Kalee falls, once
again, off the apron and onto the floor landing on her butt. RnR pulls
Matango to his feet and throws him into the ropes.)
Madden: I'll go make sure her ass is ok.
Schiavone: Oh shut up! Wait a Matango reverse! A Samoan Drop....NO! A
reverse by RnR! Kick to the gut! STUNNER! A STUNNER!
One......Two....THREE!
HE DID IT! WE HAVE A NEW US CHAMPION AND IT'S RNR STONECOLD!
Madden: Oh no! Another drunk for a champion! What the hell is going on?
Is Budweiser our sponsor now?
(The referee hands the title to RnR who ascends the top turnbuckle and holds
the title up in the air. Kalee pulls Matango out of the ring and begins to
yell at him for knocking her off the apron again. A fan throws The
Rattlesnake a beer and he pops the top guzzling down it's contents.)
Schiavone: Two new champions on Nitro! Anything can happen here!
Madden: Except mouth to mouth....
(The screen cuts to Varjay in a phone booth somewhere outside the arena.)
Var: Yeah! Tonight...just get here, damn it! I don't care if Friends is
on! Wait...is it new or repeats? Well, then get your ass down here! I
need a partner! What? No....I don't know when he gets up. I know it's
after eight. Just get down here, ok? Ok! (slams down the phone and walks
back inside)
Madden: I guess Varjay found a partner after all....
Schiavone: I wonder who it is?
(The screen cuts to RnR StoneCold and Matango brawling in the back. Matango
picks up a pipe, but gets kicked in the stomach and sent into a stack of
boxes.)
Madden: They're still fighting! I can't believe it! Wait, where's Kalee?
Schiavone: RnR's got a....Jack Daniels bottle?
(RnR smashes the bottle over Matango's head knocking him out. He then bends
down to pick up his new title belt. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Mentski runs
in grabbing RnR and slamming him head first in to the concrete wall.
StoneCold tries to get to his feet, but Ski hooks him around the head and
plants him with an Evenflow DDT on the floor.)
Mentski! What the hell?
Mentski: (picking up the title belt and slinging it over his shoulder) When
you want something around here....I guess you have to take it. Pussy
yanks...(walks off)
Schiavone: Mentski just assaulted the new champ and stole the belt.
Madden: I have a new found respect for him!
Schiavone: I can't believe you!
(The arena grows dim and the theme from "Halloween" begins to play.
Revelations appears on the entrance ramp with Mystic, dressed in a black and
white striped miniskirt with matching top, on his arm. Eclipse stumbles out
from behind the curtain wearing his usual white t-shirt and black jogging
pants. He scratches and pulls at the full leather mask surrounding his
head. Only his eyes and long brown hair are visible.)
Schiavone: Well, it's time for our tag team match....or execution might be a
proper word.
Madden: Tony, mess with the boss and you have to pay the price. Not only
that, but Varjay put his hands on Rev's woman. You never do that!
Schiavone: And you wouldn't?
Madden: Well...not like Varjay did anyway....
(Revelations and Co. climb up into the ring and begin yelling at the crowd.
The fans begin throwing trash into the ring as Eclipse runs around the ring
barking.)
Get away from me! Help! I can't see!
Schiavone: That can only mean one thing!
(The arena goes completely dark as the NZ Tron flashes a giant "V" across
the
screen. The entrance ramp explodes with force strong enough to shake the
Tron as "Bullgod" by Kid Rock begins to play. The crowd screams as the
curtains pull back and out appears, dressed in black vinyl tights and
matching t-shirt...a gnome!)
Madden: What the hell?
Schiavone: (covers his face with his hands) Oh damn.....
(Rev, Mystic, and Eclipse give puzzled looks as the gnome, with brown hair
and a "V" painted on his forehead, grabs his crotch in their direction. He
turns around, revealing the words "Little V" on his tights, and shakes his
butt at the camera.)
Madden: Did someone put Varjay in the dryer? Who the hell is this little
guy?
Schiavone: Apparently he's Little V...but where is Varjay?
(Suddenly "Bullgod" stops and techno sounding the words "Tokyo" begins to
blast out of the speakers filling the arena. Rainbow colored lights begin
flashing above the ring as hundreds of gnomes, all dressed in purple spandex
and glowing glasses, come through the crowd and descend upon the ring.)
(dodging a gnome jumping onto their desk) Why did I leave WCW? Why?
Madden: I see short people! I see short people!
(Five gnomes jump into the ring and begin dancing in a circle as Little V
struts down to the ring in time with the music. One gnome runs over to
Revelations and begins dirty dancing with his leg. Revelations yells and
tries to shake him off. Eclipse hides behind a ring post screaming due to
his fear of munchkins stemming from a freak accident involving watching "The
Wizard of Oz" as a child.)
What does this have to do with wrestling? Look!
(A white platform begins to lower to the ring. On the platform a strange
figure, dressed in a purple sequined tuxedo and a matching glowing mask,
stands perfectly still. The platform stops just off the mat and the figure
backflips off of the platform as flames shoot out of the ring posts.)
Schiavone: That's it....he's finally lost his mind...
Madden: Who the hell is that? (pushing the gnome dancing on top of their
desk)
(The figure begins to gyrate to the beat of the music as the gnomes dance
around him. One gnome pulls off his pants revealing Purple tights with a
black trim and the words, "The Original Dancing Machine," written on it.
Another pulls off his coat and throws it at Revelations and Mystic, who are
out of the ring. The music then stops on a dime as the figure pulls off his
mask revealing...)
Schiavone: VARJAY?
(Varjay and the gnomes dance around the ring as the crowd, half of which are
stunned...the other half drunk, shouts "GO GO GO GO" in time with the music.
Varjay then jumps raising his hands in the air and the music stops. All of
the gnomes, except Little V, leave the ringside and go back to the back.
Revelations and Mystic climb into the ring. Eclipse is still hiding behind
the ring post.)
Rev: And you accuse me of being on the shit? (points to Little V) What the
hell is that?
Var: The tiny terror! He's alot bigger than anything you have!
Rev: You smartass bastard! If that's your partner, then you're crazier than
I thought! Tonight I'm gonna Revolutionize...hehe...your ass! I can come
up with stupid catch phrases too, Varjay!
Var: It's Tokyo Varjay to you, you overgrown tampon, and Little V isn't my
partner.
Rev: What?
(Varjay and Little V point to the entranceway as a familiar theme begins to
play.)
Madden: Wait! That's...it can't be!
Schiavone: That's Bret Hart's theme!
(Out of the back, dressed in a Calgary Hitmen jacket and black tights with
pink trim steps...)
Madden: OH MY GOD! IT'S BRET HART!
Schiavone: NO! That's Chameleon!
Madden: Chameleon Hart? This guy has a personality disorder, Tony!
Schiavone: At least he has one!
(Chameleon walks down to ringside and hands his mirror shades over to a
young fan at the railing. He then steps into the ring and shakes Varjay's
hand.)
Rev: Screw this!
(Revelations charges the three, but Varjay ducks a clothesline while
Chameleon hits him with one of his own. Both men then grab Rev and double
suplex him into the mat. Mystic tries to break it up, but Little V runs
under her miniskirt causing her to scream.)
Schiavone: Varjay with a baseball slide on Eclipse! Chameleon goes for a
piledriver on Revelations! NO! Rev reverses backdropping him through the
ropes and onto the floor!
Madden: Little V's running at Varjay! Watch out!
(Varjay picks up Little V and hurls him like a dart at Eclipse. The gnome
nails the masked man in the head sending crashing into the announcer's
table. Revelations nails Var from behind and throws him into the ropes.)
Schiavone: Varjay ducks a clothesline! Bouncing off the ropes! He nails
Rev with a back elbow!
Madden: Eclipse crawled under the ring! What the hell?
Schiavone: Chameleon went under after him!
(Varjay grabs Revelations and picks him up into an inverted suplex. He then
spins around dropping Zombie's brother into a Tombstone Piledriver.)
Madden: Damn! What a move! Varjay Tombstone Suplex!
Schiavone: What?
Madden: I made it up! Who needs Tenay and you can pronounce mine! Hahaha!
Schiavone: Varjay on top of the turnbuckle! SHOOTING STAR PRESS!
Madden: No, Tony! SHOOTING VAR PRESS! HAHAHA! Tenay eat your heart out!
Schiavone: Var covers, but Mystic won't count!
(Chameleon comes out from under the ring covered head to toe in blood and
bleeding heavily from a wound on the back of his head.)
Madden: What did they do under there? Isn't Eclipse under there?
(Suddenly a loud noise is heard coming out from under the ring. Varjay and
Mystic stop arguing and look around.)
Schiavone: What's that noise?
Madden: It sounds like a....HOLY SHIT! A CHAINSAW!
(A chainsaw bursts up through the ring and cuts a hole in the mat. Eclipse
climbs out of the hole screaming at the top of his lungs. Little V runs and
hides behind Varjay. Mystic hides behind him as well.)
Schiavone: Stop the match! This is going too far!
(Eclipse points the saw at Varjay and starts swinging it. Then, out of the
back Fett and Montyrob come running down to the ring. Fett slides under the
bottom rope and dropkicks Eclipse in the back of the head. The leather clad
maniac drops the chainsaw, which falls out of the ring, and then gets
plastered by a Montyrob chokeslam.)
Madden: What are they doing out here?
Schiavone: Revenge! You don't make an example out of Fett and Montyrob!
(Revelations gets to his feet and is nailed by Fett.)
He hit him with a tire iron! Pay back's a bitch!
(Montyrob picks up Eclipse and throws him out of the ring slamming him down
onto the floor. Chameleon rolls back into the ring and covers Revelations.
Varjay falls on top of Chameleon and they both cover him.)
Mystic's not gonna count!
(Fett pushes Mystic to the mat and tells her to count the pin. She refuses,
but after he holds the tire iron up starts to count.)
One....Two....(She stops, but Fett grabs her hand and forces it to the mat.)
THREE!
VARJAY AND CHAMELEON WIN! Varjay's not fired!
Madden: That's a good thing?
(Tokyo Varjay's theme begins to play again and the gnomes run out. They
begin to dance around the ring while one high five's Little V. They then
grab both Varjay and Chameleon carrying them out of the ring and down the
ramp to the back. Montyrob and Fett look at each other and then shake
hands. The crowd erupts chanting both their names.)
Schiavone: They've reunited! And it feels so good!
Madden: And you say I'm corny...
(The screen cuts to somewhere deep in the bowels of the NZWA Arena. In a
dark room, Mentski is shown standing with his back to the camera.)
It's Mentski. What is he doing, Tony?
Schiavone: How the hell do I know?
(Ski picks up a grinder and starts to grinding away at something on a table
in front of him. Sparks fly all over the room as he moves in back and
forth.)
Madden: Looks like he's doing shopwork. What the hell is going on around
here?
(Ski puts the grinder down and wipes his "project" off with a towel. He
then picks up a steel spike and begins carving something into whatever is on
the table.)
Mentski: (standing back away from the table) There...I'm finished...
(The camera pans around to reveal the NZWA US title belt. the US has been
smoothed off and the letters, "UK," are now in the center of the belt.)
Now that's a belt one can be proud of....
(The screen cuts to Schiavone and Madden at the announcers booth.)
Schiavone: He's defaced the US title! He can't do that!
Madden: I'm beginning to like this guy, Tony!
Schiavone: That's NZWA property!
Madden: It's Mentski, Tony. You think he cares about our rules? Anyway
destroying belts is like a hobby for him isn't it?
(Zombie is shown walking toward the ring with Cathy. Peabody Adams, Head of
Security, runs up to Zombie stopping him.)
Peabody Adams: Mr. Zombie! We have a problem.
Zombie: What is it now?
Adams: Terry Taylor has snuck back into the building and knocked out some of
our guards.
Zombie: Taylor? He can't knock out any of my guards, you idiot!
Adams: We think he brought someone with him, sir.
Zombie: Well, find him! Damn it! Do I have to do everything?
Adams: We're trying, sir.
Zombie: (waves off Adams and turns to Cathy) Go ahead without me, my dear.
I have everything set up, so just do what you do best.
Cathy: What are you gonna do?
Zombie: Fire me a head of security....anyway, don't worry. Your match is in
the bag.
(Zombie walks off insulting Adams as Cathy continues toward the ring. Terry
Taylor then steps out from behind a stack of crates and runs down the hall.)
Schiavone: Terry's back in the building! This is great!
Madden: Not for Tori! When they find him Zombs will eat him alive.
(Filter and Method's "Trip Like I Do" begins to play throughout the arena as
Husker Du walks out from the back and down to the ring. He is dressed in
blue tights with "DU" written on his hip.)
Schiavone: Well, it's time for our World heavyweight title match. The deck
seemingly stacked against the Degenerate Warrior, who earlier tonight won
the title by finally winning the Kaleidoscope Deathmatch from the Clash of
Champions.
Madden: He won't be champ long, Tony. The boss has everything under
control.
("Line Up" by Aerosmith begins blasting through the arena. Cathy dressed in
tall black leather boots and matching tights walks through the curtain. She
stands at the top of the ramp with her hands on her hips before walking down
to the ring.)
There you go! The Stone Cold Bitch is back! I think we're gonna have a new
champ, Tony.
(Cathy and Husker stare at each other as the Warrior's theme fills the
arena. The Degenerate Warrior bursts through the curtains and out on to the
ramp. Wearing the NZWA World title belt around his waist and carrying a six
pack of beer, he charges down the ramp and towards the ring throwing cans of
beer out into the audience.)
Great! Our drunk champion...
(Warrior runs by the table throwing two cans at Schiavone and Madden.)
Then again, he's ok sometimes..
Schiavone: The World Champion is here! And look at this...Referee Johnny
Tingle gonna call the match. I should have known.
Madden: What are you talking about, Tony? He's the senior official. He
should call the match.
Schiavone: He's also in Zombie's back pocket.
(The Warrior climbs up on to the turnbuckle and waves his title belt over
his head. Referee Tingle signals to Cathy and calls for the bell. Husker
and Cathy assault Warrior beating him to the ground.)
I knew it! This isn't gonna be a match! It's gonna be a mugging!
Madden: Whoo hoo! Beat up the drunk!
Schiavone: Cathy and Husker send Warrior into the ropes! They pick him
up...double Spinebuster Slam! Cathy with a cover!
OneTwo....
NO! Warrior kicked out! Did you see that? A fast count! I can't stand
this!
(They throw the Warrior into the ropes again, but he ducks the double
clothesline attempt and bounces off of the ropes on the opposite side
nailing both with a clothesline of his own.)
You can't keep the champ down!
Madden: That's illegal! Ref do something!
(Tingle tries to stop Warrior from picking up Cathy, but DW pushes him down.
Cathy seizes the opportunity and nails DW in the "family sack." Then in an
amazing feat of strength, she lifts Warrior into the air and drops him into
a Michinoku Driver.)
Schiavone: She planted him! I can't believe she picked him up!
Madden: That's Cathy, Tony! She doesn't need no stinking women's division!
She kicks ass!
(Cathy motions that it's over and climbs up onto the turnbuckle. Meanwhile,
Husker drops a spinning elbow on the fallen Warrior and makes a cover.
Tingle and Cathy give each other puzzled looks as Husker jumps up yelling at
the referee.)
Husker: I'm making a cover on him! Count damn it!
Cathy: (jumping down from the turnbuckle and shoving Husker) What do you
think you're doing? Don't forget who you work for!
(Cathy turns around and gets nailed in the back of the head by Husker Du.
He sends her crashing into the corner and don't to the mat with a knee to
the face. Tingle grabs hold of Husker's arm yelling at him to stop, but Du
hits the ref in the face knocking him to the ground.)
Husker: I don't care about Zombie!
(Husker turns around and gets caught by a Cathy superkick. Cathy then grabs
him nailing him with a Backbreaker. Husker bounces off of the ropes and she
nails him with a Neckbreaker. Cathy then grabs him, runs toward the
turnbuckle, bounces off, and plants him with a Tombstone Piledriver.)
Schiavone: Triple Death Threat!
Madden: TDT! TDT!
Schiavone: Cathy covers!
OneTwo.......NO!
Warrior pulls Tingle away! Cathy goes for a spear! NO! Warrior blocks her!
POWERBOMB!
Madden: NOOOOO!
Schiavone: He powerbombed her out of her boots! OH! Tinglle just hit the
Warrior with something!
Madden: He dropped him like a brick!
Schiavone: Tingle pulls Cathy over the Warrior! Damn it!
One....
Madden: It's Taylor! Through the crowd!
Schiavone: Two....BAM!
Taylor hit him with a chair! Taylor hit him with a
chair! Security's out and Taylor's running threw the crowd!
(Cathy watches the guards chase Taylor through the crowd and then turns back
toward the center of the ring where she is caught in a Powerbomb into a
Chokeslam by Husker Du!)
FALL FROM GRACE! HUSKER NAILED THE FALL FROM GRACE!
Madden: Tony, Warrior's up!
(Warrior takes the chair left by Taylor and nails Husker Du in the head with
it. He then bounces off of the ropes nailing him with a Big Splash!)
Schiavone: Warrior covers and there's Referee Jerry Wiley!
One...Two...THREE!
WARRIOR WINS! HE'S STILL THE CHAMPION!
(Warrior's theme blasts through the arena as his hand is raised by Referee
Wiley. Cathy rolls out of the ring as Warrior jumps climbs up the
turnbuckle waving the belt over his head.)
Madden: The boss isn't going to like this!
Schiavone: Who cares! Warrior is the champ and he's not going to Betty
Ford!
Madden: Where is the boss anyway?
(The screen cuts to the NZWA Arena parking lot. Zombie with Peabody Adams
and several security guards are walking up to Zombie's parking spot, which
is occupied by a black Harley Davidson.)
Adams: I didn't know you had a Harley, boss.
Zombie: I don't! Get this piece of crap out of my parking place!
(An intern runs out of the arena screaming.)
Intern: Boss! Boss!
Zombie: What is it?
Intern: Taylor! He cost Cathy the match! Warrior's still the champ!
Zombie: WHAT! (grabs the intern and slams him in the building) DAMN HIM AND
DAMN THAT WARRIOR!
Adams: Boss, isn't your match next?
Zombie: Damn it! I'll deal with him later. I have a boy to school.
Adams: What about the bike?
Zombie: Get it out of my space and run over it with one of our trucks! Then
send it back to the owner in little boxes! Can you handle that?
Adams: Yes, boss.....
Zombie: Good! Idiots...I'm surrounded by idiots. (walks back into the
arena)
Adams: Ok boys, you heard him...
Security Guard #2: Mr. Adams! Look! At the license plate!
(Adams walks around the bike and looks at the plate, which is out of view.
A shocked look comes over his face and he stumbles backward.)
I'll go tell the boss!
Adams: (stopping the guard) No...let him find out on his own.
(A smile comes over Peabody Adams face as the camera cuts to show the ring.
Several gas cans are littered around ringside and the railing surrounding
the ring has been moved back. Torches already lit line the ramp and both
ring posts are visibly wet.)
Madden: The plot thickens! I wonder who that is, Tony. That smell is
awful.
Schiavone: That's the smell of gasoline and our next and final match
tonight....hopefully. It's going to be an Inferno match with our very own
NZWA rules.
Madden: How do you win?
Schiavone: Well, your opponent has to be set on fire.
Madden: Is there a ref?
Schiavone: No...
Madden: What's the special rules then?
Schiavone: We light our ring posts on fire. (snaps his fingers and four ring
attendants set the ring posts ablaze as the crowd begins to cheer.) We also
have full gas cans surrounding the ring and plenty of torches and lighters.
Madden: Oh....
Schiavone: That's all? Oh?
Madden: I'm tired and hungry. Can we go to the Waffle House after the show?
Schiavone: What about IHOP?
Madden: Better!
("Unforgiven" by Metallica begins to play as the arena is bathed in red
light. Zombie steps out from behind the curtain carrying a can of
gasoline.)
The boss brought his own.
(He is dressed black leather pants and a "NZWA OWNER" t-shirt. Zombie takes
a torch out of place on the ramp and climbs into the ring.)
Schiavone: Our evil boss has had his plans backfire tonight...no pun
intended...and seeks to put an end to Dead Hardy right in the squared
circle.
Madden: What do you think Hardy will look like a maid's uniform? I wonder
if it will hide the burn marks?
(De La Soul's "Ego Trip" begins playing in the arena as pictures of Dead
Hardy flash across the NZ Tron. One shows him nailing an opponent with a
Frog Splash. Another shows him leaping off of the turnbuckle with a
Corkscrew Senton onto an opponent in the crowd. Hardy walks through the
curtain and the crowd explodes.)
Schiavone: DEAD HARDY, The former NZWA World Champion and in many regards he
should still hold that title!
Madden: Whine, bitch, and moan! He got beat and tonight he's getting burnt!
(Hardy is dressed in denim shorts and a "Technical Insanity" t-shirt. He
lifts both arms in the air revealing elbow length gloves with small steel
studs embedded in them. Hardy then points at Zombie, who looks to be
mouthing "I trained to too well," and then runs down the ramp leaping into
the ring.)
Schiavone: Hardy nails Zombie with a flying clothesline! The torch falls in
the corner!
Madden: Wait a damn minute! Why are we at ringside for this crap!
Schiavone: Because this is the NZWA and we're announcers, damn it! Pull
yourself together!
(Hardy slams Zombie to the mat and bounces off of the ropes with a Split
Legged Moonsault.)
He's going for the can! Zombie nails him in the groin!
Madden: That's a funny word! Groin! HAHAHA!
Schiavone: (slaps Madden) Hardy into the ropes! He slides...OUCH! Hardy
catches Zombie in the gut with those studded forearm guards!
Madden: The boss is bleeding!
(Hardy drives his left guard into Zombie's head. Blood spills to the mat as
Zombie screams in pain. Hardy runs jumping on the turnbuckle and springing
off, but Zombie catches him with a Powerslam.)
Schiavone: Zombie with a slam! He's got the gas can!
(Zombie opens the top of the can and pours it's contents onto Hardy. Hardy
sputters and coughs as gas covers his body. Zombie reaches into his pocket
and pulls out a lighter holding it up to the crowd.)
HE'S GONNA SET HIM ON FIRE!
Madden: Hardy's got the can! He hit the boss with it!
(Dead Hardy beats Zombie repeatedly with the gas can and climbs out of the
ring grabbing another. He then slingshots himself over the top rope, but
Zombie kicks the can driving it into Hardy's head.)
Schiavone: Zombie's trying to pull off one of Hardy's forearm guards!
Madden: He did and put it on his own arm!
Schiavone: He's got it on with the studs facing his inner arm! Hardy's up!
OH....Zombie clotheslines Hardy with the guard!
(Hardy writhes around on the mat holding the side of his head. Zombie drops
a knee into his side and grabs him by the hair. Hardy's face is covered in
blood from the guard wound. Zombie grabs the can and goes to hit Hardy with
it, but the young lion kicks it sending it splashing on Zombie and flying
into one of the flaming ring post. The can explodes upon impact sending
fire into the ring and destroying the turnbuckle. The crowd runs away from
the guard rail screaming.)
Madden: This is absolute carnage! WE RULE!
Schiavone: THIS IS THE NZWA!
(Hardy runs at Zombie, but is caught by a...)
DOUBLE ARM DDT! Zombie nailed it!
(Zombie reaches for the torch he brought to the ring and holds it high over
head. The crowd, half shocked and half mesmerized, scream for Hardy to get
up. Suddenly a figure dressed in black descends from the top of the arena
on a cable landing in the center of the ring behind Zombie. Zombie turns
around and screams in shock to see....)
Both Announcers: NIGHTMARE!
(Nightmare clocks Zombie in the head with a glass jar shattering the
contents over his head. Zombie falls backward and Nightmare grabs him
sending him flying into the destroyed flaming ring post. Zombie's body
becomes completely engulfed by the fire. He falls out of the ring and into
the crowd as ring attendants spray him with fire extinguishers and water
hoses.)
Schiavone: HE SET ZOMBIE ON FIRE! OH MY GOD! NIGHTMARE'S BACK AND THE BOSS
IS BARBECUE!
(Nightmare pulls Dead Hardy to his feet and raises his hand as the crowd
explodes. Terry Taylor runs down to the ring and shakes Nightmare's hand.)
Madden: That's who he was talking to! Taylor and Nightmare screwed the
boss!
Schiavone: And Dead Hardy wins! He gets his title shot!
Madden: This is insane!
Schiavone: This is the NZWA and that's all for tonight! Let's go to the
damn IHOP!
Madden: Screw Tenay! I'm staying!
(Schiavone and Madden leap into the crowd and run out the back of the arena
leaving a packed house on their feet cheering Nightmare and Dead Hardy as
the NZWA logo flashes across the screen.)
~Fade to black~
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
NZ Sports Inc. 2000......