NZWA TODAY
It's time once again for another NZWA News and Notes. So sit back and relax, we'll be gentle.
First off, we here at the NZWA Today would like to welcome our newest columnist Joe D. Blow. We know you have seen his now famous Blow Reports and are proud to say that they will be regular features now here in the land of the NZWA. So, welcome Joe and make yourself at home. :-)
Now off to the News:
NZ Towers?
Many of you may have noticed some that construction crews have begun work behind the NZ Sports building located on the corner of lovely Taker Drive and Foley Avenue. NZ Sports announced at a Wednesday evening press conference given by co-owner Zombie Sr. himself that the construction is for the future home of the NZ Sports offices, NZ Towers. The building will be a skyscraper of enormous size and expected to be finished sometime after the first of the year.
Sr also noted that his office would be the one at the top, which I'm sure will serve it's purpose to piss-off the absent Varjay.
DUI Outlaws?
On Monday Disciples of Ultimate Insanity leader and co-owner of NZ Sports Inc, Varjay, was served a subpoena to appear in court on the charges of Assault and Battery as well as Harassment, a first in the NZWA. Varjay promptly attacked the server, who we now hear will join the lawsuit, and went on a rampage destroying half of his office as well as injuring NZWA announcer Scott Hudson yet again.
It appears that NZWA Superstar Malk-kind has filed a lawsuit against not only the self proclaimed "Messiah of Wrestling," but his fellow DUI cohorts as well, who will be served soon or so I'm told. Malk has stated that he has been threatened and personally attacked on several occasions by the members of DUI and that has caused him "emotional trauma." It was also stated by Malk's lawyer that some sexual harassment took place as well and that he "felt dirty coming to work."
We will have more on this story as it unfolds.
NZWA vs WCW?
With all the talk of first Mandalay Sports wanting to buy WCW and now the WWF, it was only a matter of time before NZ Sports was thrown into the mix. Rumors have been flying around all week that both Zombie Sr and Varjay have contacted both Brad Siegel and Ted Turner about buying what is left of a once dominate wrestling promotion.
Sr, who was asked about the rumor in at the Wednesday press conference, replied that he had nothing to say on the matter at this time. He did not however deny that NZ Sports was interested in the purchase.
Can you imagine Matango vs Booker T title for title? How about Omegadawn vs Goldberg? I could go on all day with this.
Championship gnome
Varjay's gnome associate, Little V, competed Thursday night at a Shorty Wrestling Federation show in the Gnometown Civic Center. V, who works SWF shows in between his NZWA show commitments, teamed up with his cousin, The Half-Pint Demon, to take on the midget SWF tag team champions Vertically Challenged, Dexter and Jo Bob.
V hit his famous "Death From Below Bomb", or DFB for short and is a jumping Death Valley Driver, on Dexter and went for the cover. Jo Bob broke up the count hitting V with a chair and threw him out of the ring. After a double chairshot, VC hit their finisher "Low Times", a spinning double powerbomb, and went for a cover. As the referee was getting Jo Bob out of the ring, V rolled back in and nailed Dexter with another DFB putting Demon on top of him. He then kicked Jo Bob off the apron as the referee counted a three count giving Little V and The Half-Pint Demon the SWF tag team titles. I hear that the rematch is signed for next week on Shorty Shakedown on GBC.
It's amazing the crowd reaction for V. He's really a fan favorite in Gnometown as is Varjay, who was in attendance at ringside. It was a great show and these little guys can wrestle, but those little seats will make your ass sore.
There was a small house show held Friday night at the NZWA Arena. Here are the results:
NZWA House Show 10/20/2000
Melvin the Janitor defeated Muted Beast
I used to see Melvin all the time in the halls and had no idea that this guy could wrestle. Apparently Beast thought the same thing and had the chance to win the match early by attacking Melvin before the bell. Beast hit his finisher, The Eternal Silencer, but Referee Skeeter Dee wouldn't count as the match hadn't officially started.
Beast argued with Ref Dee allowing Melvin to grab him from behind in a german suplex. Melvin then actually put on a nice little train of mat wrestling moves before clamping on a "bow and arrow" hold trying to get the submission, but they were too close to the ropes as it was broken up by the ref.
Beast did finally take back control blocking a clothesline attempt by Melvin and taking him over with a T-bone suplex, which put the Janitor hard to the mat on his head. Melvin still had fight in him though and brawled with the Beast back and forth as the referee was knocked down twice trying to break it up. The third time Ref Dee blocked a Beast punch allowing Melvin to hit one of his own staggering the former Hellfire champ backwards against the ropes.
Melvin then grabbed Beast nailing him in "The Mop Up," his pumphandle backbreaker finisher, and got the three count. Good match and really got the fans going.
Malk-kind defeated Montyrob
Montyrob came out first and refused to talk to Mean Gene about his problems with his partners in DUI. He actually pushed him down and Gene responded that he "didn't have to take that shit" and left the ring. He turned at the top of the entrance ramp and told Rob to expect to hear from his lawyer. The big man just waved him off.
Malk-kind came out next, to some killer theme music, carrying a microphone in one hand and his trusty bat, Mr. Louis, in the other. He said that his lawsuit against DUI was for the "good of the fed," as "countless others would be helped" by it. He also said that it being a pain in Varjay's ass was an added bonus. He then made fun of Montyrob by calling him "Mostlyrob" and asking him if sprout was around anywhere. He also asked him if he had back problems from bending down to kiss Varjay's ass. Rob climbed out of the ring after that comment and the match began.
Rob threw Malk into the guardrail and then the steel ring steps before picking him up over his head and throwing him into the ring. Malk did get a kick in literally as he kicked the second rope as Montyrob was getting in causing it to nail him between the legs. The big man winced and Malk bounced off the other side of the ring nailing him with a spinning elbow sending him off the apron and into the guardrail at ringside.
Malk tried to slingshot himself over the ropes, but was caught and rammed into the ring post. Rob then slammed him onto the arena floor and started choking him with a monitor cable. He dragged Malk by his neck over to a table at ringside and signaled that it was over. Rob then tried for a powerbomb, but The Cheesy One blocked it and backdropped the big man over. Malk then rolled into the ring picking up Mr. Louis, but Referee Snap Tingle grabbed the end of it not letting him take it outside the ring.
As this went on Montyrob got to his feet and climbed onto the ring apron with a chair in hand. Malk saw him and let go of the bat sending Ref Tingle backwards and into Rob and his chair flipping Montyrob over the ropes and into the ring. He then nailed the "MalkDown" and got the three count.
After the match, Rob powerbombed Referee Tingle and Malk ran back down to the ring hitting the big man with Mr. Louis knocking him out cold. He then had a guy come out and lay a piece of paper on Rob's chest. Malk got on the mic and said "remember that autograph you signed, it wasn't an autograph Mostly and you've been served." Great pop for Malk and very good match.
Bluefusion and Phoenix Delfuego defeated Alley Katt and Pork Soda
Odd pairings, but good match as this showcased some of the best of the NZWA. Alley came out first with her wolfman Flather in tow and got on the mic asking if Zombie Sr had lost his mind pairing her with an inferior partner, I take it she meant Soda. She also said that with her "wolfie" at ringside and DUI watching her back that she didn't need a partner to beat anyone especially "two idiots" like Fusion and Delfuego.
Soda came out next and told Alley to "shut her trap." He said that as the man in on the team he called the shots and if she didn't like it he would slap her ass back into the kitchen where she belongs. He then made a comment about her maybe belonging in a pound as she held back Flather. He then started to say something else as he climbed into the ring, but "My Own Summer" started playing and out stepped Bluefusion, to a huge pop.
Fusion, who had his own mic, asked if the happy couple was "through with their spat" and ready to get "pushed to the limit." Soda told him to go to hell and started brawling in the aisle with him. Flather ran down and attacked both men throwing first Fusion and then Soda into the ring. Soda jumped up spitting on Flather and the wolfman grabbed him around the neck chokeslamming him out of the ring. Alley was putting the boots to Fusion when "Gimme the Prize" by Queen blasted through the arena and the NZWA US champion, Phoenix Delfuego, exploded through the curtains down to the ring.
Alley went after Delfuego, but the champ blocked her spear spinning around and DDTing her into the mat. Flather grabbed Delfuego by the leg tripping her up, but Fusion nailed him with a baseball slide. He then ran to the opposite side of the ring springboarding off the top rope and twisting in the air nailing Flather with a corkscrew suicide headbutt, one word AWESOME.
Soda rolled into the ring and superkicked Delfuego to the mat. He then drove a knee between her legs, who knew it hurt them too, and picked her back up delivering an awesome piledriver on her.
Alley rolled over on top of Delfuego, but Soda pulled her off at two. She got in Soda's face and they started arguing, not seeing Fusion climb up the turnbuckle. Fusion yelled and they both turned around to get caught by Fusion who just nailed them both with a cross-body block.
Soda got to his feet first and blocked a Fusion spin kick, but Fusion flipped backwards in the air kicking Soda with his other foot. Fusion bounced off the ropes and then over Soda, but got caught in a powerslam as The Eyemaster drove him into the mat. Soda was then dropkicked from behind by Alley after he turned around shooting her the middle finger.
Alley then gets blasted by a Delfuego spin wheel kick and then took down with a leg scissors takedown. Alley gets to her feet again only to be knocked down again by a flying Delfuego forearm. Delfuego then motions that it's time for the "Skytwister Press," but Flather jumps in the ring catching her from behind in a full nelson slam. Then Pork Soda nails him in the back with a chair and Bluefusion hits the Full Fusion on him. Flather rolls out of the ring as Soda then blasts Fusion with a chairshot.
By this time the referee has lost all control and Alley gets up telling Soda to nail Delfuego, who's trying to pull herself up. Soda motions like he is and then blasts Alley across the noggin knocking her out cold. He spits on her and then falls out of the ring giving the finger to the cheering crowd.
Delfuego sees the motionless Alley in the middle of the ring and climbs up the turnbuckle nailing her "Skytwister Press" getting the three count.
Action packed match and awesome moves from the NZWA's two premier highflyers, not to mention Soda looking awesome as well as Alley. The crowd was on it's feet for the entire match.
Cathy and Icenine versus Keg and Barley Brews ended in a no contest
This didn't even resemble a tag match or a match for that matter, it was a damn fight. The Brews Brothers came out first, Keg had a taped shoulder and Barley's arm was still in a cast, and told Cold Front that "their asses were toast." Keg said that for destroying their truck Cold Front was going to be "Dead Front," on a related note I prefer Varjay's Cold Fart, after they got through with them.
Cathy and I9 came out next, not even waiting for their theme music and they all started brawling on the entrance stage. Barley picked up Cathy over his head and threw her off the stage into a dumpster! That's not it, he then dove off the stage, ala Masked Man, and landed on top of her in the dumpster.
While this was going on Keg and I9 were taking turns beating down referees in between taking shots at each other. I9 spun around catching Keg with an elbow knocking him against a support for the NZ Tron. I9 then started bashing Keg over and over again, even ripping the tape off his shoulder. Keg kicked I9 between the legs dispelling any rumors about frozen parts and then climbed up on top of the NZ Tron, which put him over 75+ feet in the air.
I9 followed him up and they started trading blows as the crowd was exploding at the action. I9 then grabbed Keg motioning for Absolute Zero on top of the NZ Tron, but Keg caught him and threw him off the back!!!! Dust and debris flew up everywhere as the crowd was shocked into silence. Keg just stood on top of the Tron with his arms in the air.
I know the fight ended there and there were people running all over the place. I also don't know if anything other than the floor broke his fall. Both Cathy and Barley are fine, but there is no word on Icenine as of yet. We will keep you posted.
Zombie Jr defeated Angel
Angel came out and said that she was tired of being overlooked by the idiots running the NZWA. She also said that if not for "Pork Shagger" and his fast count, she would still be the US champion. Angel went on to say that Soda had his coming and that Delfuego couldn't beat her for all the tea in china.
Zombie Jr came out at that saying that he was "tired of all the bitching from a bloodsucking bitch" and told her not to talk about Delfuego like that. Jr also said that he was going to stake her ass and bury what's left in a shallow grave or flush her down the toliet, he hadn't made up his mind.
Angel flew over the top rope knocking Jr against the railing. She then threw him into the steel steps knocking them over. Referee Whip Rogers tried to get them in the ring, but she took off his belt and then started lashing Jr over and over with it. Ref Rogers pants fell down and he ran to the back, mostly I think because it was shown he was wearing a thong, ugh.
She choked Jr with the belt and actually drug him into the ring with it. Jr nailed her with a low blow and then did a spinning neckbreaker out of the corner on her into the middle of the ring. He then bounced off the ropes going for a knee drop, but missed after Angel moved out of the way. The Vamp then walked up the turnbuckle jumping off nailing Jr with a legdrop. Of course, no referee was there and she just lifted him up going for a suplex.
Jr though flipped over her back and caught her with a reverse russian leg sweep when she turned around to meet him. He went for a cover, but again no referee. Jr then yelled something about an asskicking and Angel caught him with a low blow of her own.
Angel flipped him over with a snapmare and bounced off the ropes to hit Jr, but bumped into Referee Jimmy Grasshopper. She turned around to argue with him and Jr chopblocked her right leg out from under her. Her leg buckled up really bad and she was writhing in pain.
Jr lifted her up in the air with her leg folded back and slammed her into his knee, ala a Flair kneebuster, and elbow dropped her injured knee. He then went to do it again, but she flipped around bulldogging him into the mat.
Angel then bounced off the ropes going for a hurricanrana, but Jr caught her powerbombing her into the mat. He then flipped her over in the "Scream Machine," Jr's version of the Sharpshooter. Angel was trapped in the middle of the ring and finally tapped out.
Good match and it looked like Angel's knee was really hurt. We'll keep you posted on her condition when we get word.
Erci wins a twenty man/woman over the top rope battle royal
The crowd exploded when they announced the main event, although a lot of them were chanting "Tango Tango." I was also pretty sure that Penzer said that the winner of the battle royal would be the number one contender to the World title and get the next title shot after the Nitro Hell in the Cell match with Omegadawn taking on Champ Matango.
Here were the participants:
1. Clingman
2. Kaz
3. Kalee
4. Erci
5. Varjay
6. Joolz
7. Submonkey
8. Eclipse
9. Dingo
10. Flather
11. Winter
12. Phoenix (male)
13. Mentski
14. Billy Wilder
15. Zombie Sr
16. Mr. Shadows
17. Revelations
18. Masked Man
19. Pork Soda, who came out and demanded to be in this match
20. Jayrock
Ok, I'm going in speed mode and briefly recapping the eliminations down to the final winner:
1) Jayrock announced that he was the Head Referee and also the 20th man. Upon hearing this Revelations and the Masked Man through him out.
2) Masked Man was eliminated moments later by Pork Soda, while still bent over the ropes throwing out Jayrock.
3) Flather is eliminated by Zombie Sr and Phoenix after missing a clothesline on Phoenix.
4) Eclipse is eliminated when he's pushed off the top rope by Kalee.
5) Submonkey is eliminated by Dingo and Varjay while trying to eliminate Erci.
6) Dingo is eliminated by Erci moments later when Erci flips him over the top rope.
7) Mentski is eliminated by Soda after getting blasted by Clingman.
8) Winter eliminates herself for some odd reason. She stared eye in eye with Phoenix and jumped out of the ring, but it wasn't fear. Very weird.
9) Joolz is eliminated by Soda.
10) Pork Soda is eliminated moments later by an irate Phoenix.
11) Revelations is eliminated by Kaz after saving Kalee from being eliminated.
12) Kaz is eliminated by Kalee while throwing Revelations over the ropes.
13) Billy Wilder is eliminated by Varjay and Mr. Shadows trying to save Erci from elimination.
14) Mr. Shadows is eliminated after Phoenix rips his head off, good thing he's a robot.
15) Varjay is eliminated by Erci and Clingman as Sr and Phoenix look on clapping.
16) Clingman is eliminated by Varjay who jumps onto the apron and pulls him out over the top rope.
17) Phoenix is eliminated by Zombie Jr, who run out, trying to keep Jr from pulling Sr out of the ring. Phoenix and Clingman then chase the two from ringside.
18) Zombie Sr is eliminated by Kalee who attempts to push both him and Erci over the top rope at the same time.
19) Kalee is eliminated seconds later when Erci holds on to the top rope and flips up grabbing her around the head with his legs pulling her over the top rope and on to the floor.
The winner: Erci
The crowd really loved the action and it was fast paced. It was announced right after the match that tickets to Nitro would be on sale Monday at the box office or by calling Ticketmaster.
The card is soon to be release, but we already know that NZWA World Champion Matango will be defending against Omegadawn in a Hell in the Cell.
That right there is worth the price of admission.
Well, that's it folks so till next time.
Jack "The Dick" Richards
your eye in the pie
you are what you eat, so step away from the toliet
NZWA Today
(c) NZ Sports 2000