IN STEREO WHERE AVAILABLE
(The screen fades in showing the back entrance of the NZWA Arena. Various
boxes and crates with markings "NZWA" are scattered about. Near the door
three staff members wearing NZ Sports t-shirts and Head of Security, Peabody
Adams, are "guarding" the back door.
The Exit/Entrance door opens and in walks Dead Hardy, the NZWA World
Heavyweight Champion. He is dressed in jeans and a Dead Hardy "Technical
Insanity" t-shirt. Over his shoulder is a half-open gym bag with the title
belt visible from the top.)
Peabody Adams: Evening champ...
Dead Hardy: At least somebody knows. (walks off with a disgusted look on his
face)
(As Adams and his crew give each other puzzled looks the screen fades to
black and the letters NZWA flash across the screen. One by one they
disappear as the words CLASH OF THE CHAMPIONS appear on the screen and
"Thunderkiss '65" by White Zombie begins to play.)
KAAAAAAABOOOOM!
(An explosion rocks the stage as the inside of the NZWA Arena is shown.
Pyro flashes and fireballs leap up from the sides of the ramp leading from
the NZ Tron to the ring. The arena is packed with fans most of who are on
their feet and screaming. A fan with a "Nightmare we miss you" sign is
shown briefly before the camera settles on our announcers for the evening.)
Tony Schiavone: Welcome everyone to the NZWA Arena and the very first CLASH
OF THE CHAMPIONS!
(Behind the announce booth are two fans holding up signs. One reads "NZWA
is #1!" while the other sign reads "Zombie's my father!")
Schiavone: I'm Tony Schiavone along with Mike Tenay and we're ready to bring
you the hottest wrestling entertainment that is the NZWA!
Mike Tenay: You're right, Tony, and tonight is no exception. We've already
seen the champ arrive and soon many other superstars will soon grace our
ring tonight....
(Tenay is cut off as "Ego Trip'" by De La Soul begins to blast through the
arena. As pictures of Dead Hardy flash across the NZ Tron, he steps out
from behind the entranceway curtain. The crowd goes wild.)
Schiavone: Speaking of the champ, here he is!
Tenay: He's got a serious look on his face tonight, Tony.
(Hardy begins to make his way down the entrance ramp towards the ring. He
has his long brown hair braided and the NZWA World title belt slung over his
shoulder. He stops suddenly and points to the NZ Tron which shows him
putting Husker Du in his version of the Acid Drop, Ashes to Ashes.)
Schiavone: Dead Hardy climbing into the ring and he wants the microphone.
He's not even supposed to be out here now.
Tenay: The champ has the stick....
Hardy: (taps the mic twice before speaking) You know, for several weeks now
I've had to listen to the constant bitching and whining and rumors and BS
that has been flying around in the back.
(Hardy pauses pointing at a sign in the crowd that reads "Hardy Time.")
Tenay: You hear that, Tony?
Schiavone: Don't look at me, Mike. I have no idea what he's talking about.
Hardy: I've had to hear about this guy not getting his push...or how this
guy said this...or that so and so got screwed. I'm tired of it!
(A fan in the crowd screams, "Hardy I love you!")
I've also heard that many in the back don't think I'm really the champ.
That I got handed the title on a silver platter. I've even heard that some
of the guys in the back think I'm Zombie's bitch.
(Some of the crowd starts chanting "Bitch Bitch." Hardy looks in their
direction and just shakes his head.)
Well, I'm here tonight to lay to rest all those rumors and most of all to
show that I'm no one's BITCH!
Tenay: He's totally serious tonight, Tony.
Hardy: (holding out the title belt) Tonight I prove once and for all why I'm
the ONLY man in this business that any of you need to worry about. If
anyone in this damn fed has the balls to come out here and take this belt
from me.....then they have their shot! Tonight!
Schiavone: Did you hear that? An open challenge!
(The crowd explodes at the news and the lights begin to dim. "Unforgiven"
by Metallica begins to play and Zombie steps through the curtain. He is
dressed in a black leather jacket with a flaming dragon on the back and
leather pants.)
Tenay: It's Zombie and he doesn't look pleased.
Schiavone: Zombie, the NZWA President is powerwalking to the ring and gets
right in his protégé's face!
Zombie: (taking the microphone away from Hardy) Is there some...problem that
I need to know about? Is being king of the mountain not good enough for
you? Let me fill you in on something. (gets right in Dead Hardy's face) I
run the show around here and you do what you're told!
(Zombie pushes Hardy back against the ropes.)
You wanna run out here and make challenges? I didn't tell you anything
about making any damn challenges!
Hardy: I'm the champion! I won the damn title!
Zombie: The only reason you have that belt is because I let you have that
belt. I own this fed. I own that belt. And most important, I own your
ass!
(Zombie slaps Hardy hard across the face. The crowd starts screaming "Kick
his ass Kick his ass.")
Schiavone: The boss hit him!
Tenay: Looks like trouble in Zombie's happy little family.
Zombie: That's right, boy. I...own...YOU!
Hardy: FUCK YOU! (pushes Zombie down in the center of the ring)
(Zombie jumps back to his feet nearly foaming at the mouth with rage when
all of a sudden, the lights go out.)
Schiavone: What the hell? We've lost the lights!
Tenay: I can't see! What's going on, Tony?
(The NZ Tron begins to flicker and flash as a giant V comes on the screen.)
Tenay: That can only mean one thing!
BOOM!
(An explosion of pyro rocks the ramp as "Bullgod" by Kid Rock begins to
play. The lights slowly come back on and in the entranceway stands...)
Schiavone: Varjay!
(Zombie and Hardy stop pushing each other and look toward the entranceway.
Varjay, dressed in black vinyl tights with a lightning pattern and a shiny
blue shirt, slowly raises a microphone to his mouth.)
Varjay: It seems to me what we have here...is a failure to communicate.
(Varjay gives the two a devilish smile as the crowd explodes at the chance
of a fight.)
Was I mistaken or did I hear something about a title shot?
Tenay: Looks like he's accepting the challenge!
Zombie: No no no! This doesn't concern you. So why don't you and Rev go
harass an intern or something...
Varjay: They'll be time for pleasure later. Right now I've only thinking of
business and that title belt. What about it, Hardy? Let's give these fans
what they want. What do you say?
(The fans start chanting "fight fight fight.")
Zombie: (pulling the mic away from Hardy before he can answer) Didn't you
hear me? I said there is no title match! Not now and not ever for your
ass!
Varjay: What's the matter, deadman? You don't think you boy can pass the
Varjay Challenge? It's not that hard...ask your old lady!
(The crowd once again explodes and Tenay spits out a mouthful of water.)
Zombie: WHAT? Why you pompous son of a bitch! I'll kill your ass!
Varjay: If your old lady tried, who's to say your boyfriend there can't make
a go at it? (crowd starts screaming "Varjay Varjay")
Zombie: You're a dead man! You....
Hardy: (grabbing the mic from Zombie) You want a shot? You got it! I'll
slay your ass, tonight!
Zombie: You stupid little bastard!
(Zombie enraged nails Hardy in the back of the head.)
Schiavone: He's stomping a hole in him! He's got the belt!
(Zombie takes the title belt and begins to grind Dead Hardy's face in it.
Varjay runs down to the ring and slides under the bottom rope. Zombie
charges at Varjay with the belt, but Varjay ducks sending Zombie bouncing
off the ring ropes. Varjay then superkicks the Deadman sending him through
the ropes and out on to the floor.)
Tenay: Hardy's back up and pushed Var from behind! We're gonna have it
right here!
(The crowd is going nuts and chanting when all of a sudden "Trip like I do"
begins to blast through the arena.)
Tenay: What the hell is next?
(Husker Du appears on the runway from behind the curtain. He is dressed in
a denim shorts with a "Just Du it" graphic t-shirt and has a microphone.)
Husker Du: (motioning for the music to stop) Don't let me interrupt you
little party. I just want to let you know, HARDY, that I'll be happy to
take that World title belt off you tonight.
(Varjay and Hardy look at each other puzzled while Zombie stands on the
outside listening.)
Schiavone: Huh? Did he just wake up?
Tenay: I'm confused.
Varjay: You dumb bastard! I've already accepted the challenge!
Husker: Yes, my little friend, yes you have...and so have I.
(Varjay throws up his hands and looks at the announce booth. Hardy flips
Husker off.)
Husker: If you remember, Hardy, you said "anyone in this damn fed" can have
their shot. I'm in this damn fed. I want my shot and that you made, my
friend, is an OPEN CHALLENGE!
Hardy: I don't care anymore! If I have to kick everyone's ass here
tonight...I will!
Husker: GOOD! Then I'll see you two idiots in the ring! (turns and leaves)
Schiavone: I think we just got ourselves an three way dance!
Tenay: I think I need a stiff drink!
(Varjay looks at both Dead Hardy and Zombie for a moment and picks up the
microphone.)
Varjay: It doesn't even matter anymore. That belt (pointing to the title
belt on the ground) will be mine!
(Varjay throws the mic at Hardy and leaves the ring. Zombie climbs up the
ring apron and is laughing his head off.)
Hardy: What's so damn funny?
Zombie: Look what you got yourself into, boy. HAHAHA!
Hardy: Don't worry about me, deadman. Worry about yourself! (Hardy picks up
his title belt and leaves the ring)
Zombie: It doesn't matter! HAHAHAHA! I already have it taken care of!
HAHAHAHA!
Schiavone: We have ourselves an unscheduled main event.
Tenay: What is he laughing at?
Schiavone: Our paychecks? Who knows, who cares? We have to go to our first
match.
Tenay: Finally! I thought Hogan had come...
Schiavone: (puts hand over Tenay's mouth) It's gonna be newcomer Klumpper
The Sheepherder versus our deranged lunatic, Eclipse!
Tenay: (moving Tony's hand) I hope he's been fed, Tony.
Schiavone: Now let's go to Mean Gene...Gene?
(The Camera cuts to a shot of Mean Gene standing backstage in front of a
NZWA logo. With Gene is a man dressed in camouflage fatigues and wearing a
dark green vest.)
Mean Gene: Thank you, Tony. I can't believe what's happening here tonight.
With me at this time is NZWA rookie, Klumpper The Sheepherder.
Klumpper: It's about time they showed me! I've been waiting over half an
hour!
Gene: Look at your watch, pal! Wha...
(Just then both Gene and Klumpper are pushed aside by the NZWA US champion,
Mantango with Kaylee on his arm. He is dressed in sparkling blue tights
with a "Remember the Name" t-shirt and wearing the US belt. Kaylee is
dressed in a small blue top and a smaller matching skirt.)
Mantango: Am I correct in thinking this ponyass fed is having a main event
without the Main Eventer? Tell me it's a lie, Gene.
Gene: Mantango, I'm trying to do an interview here!
Kaylee: Why bother with the chumps when you can have the champ? You
wouldn't say no to me, would you Genie? (tickles him under his chin)
Gene: (looks at Klumpper) Uh...they need you in the ring.
(Klumpper looks pissed, but stomps away towards the ring entrance. Mantango
grabs the mic.)
Mantango: Hardyboy, Varjam or whatever your name is, Has-been Du, if you
think for one moment that the Big Tango is gonna let you three pinkasses go
down to the ring and embarrass this fed...your sadly mistaken.
(Mean Gene giggles as Kaylee pulls on his tie.)
Hacker, if you can put yourself in the match than so can I. Mantango walked
into this arena the US champ and he's walking out the WORLD champ. When
it's all done, you'll remember the name...MANTANGO!
(Mantango slaps Kaylee on her rear end and they walk off screen. Mean Gene
is left there alone and dumbfounded.)
Gene: Uh...Can you say four way dance? Back to you, Tony!
(The camera shows the announce booth as the fans scream.)
Tenay: I guess we have a four way dance now?
Schiavone: It would appear that way.
(The lights grow dim and the sounds of a chainsaw can be heard. Stepping
out from behind the NZ Tron is Eclipse. He is dressed in a white shirt with
black jogging pants and carrying a chainsaw. His entire head and face is
concealed by a leather mask. Only his bushy brown hair is visible from out
of a hole in the top of the mask.)
Schiavone: Eclipse making his way to the ring. I can't believe what's
happened here tonight. Mantango had a title defense against Revelations and
now he's in the main event.
Tenay: Get this crazy bastard away from me!
(Eclipse holds the chainsaw near Tenay's head and growls at him trying to
laugh.)
Tenay: Security! Security!
Schiavone: Calm down...he's harmless.
(Eclipse swings his saw knocking off their drinks and the monitors.)
Tenay: Sure he is (looking at Schiavone) Zombie and his stupid friends...
("Stiff Upper lip" by ACDC begins to belt out all over the arena. Klumpper
The Sheepherder appears and runs down to the ring. Eclipse drops his toy
and slide under the bottom rope. Referee Jackie Snyde calls for the bell.)
DING!
Schiavone: Here we go!
(Eclipse runs at Klumpper, but he moves sending Eclipse crashing into the
turnbuckle. Klumpper then charges nailing him with a knee in the back.)
Tenay: Klumpper, out to make a name for himself. He's grinding Eclipse's
face into the turnbuckle.
Schiavone: I don't think that's gonna have much effect.
(Klumpper hammers Eclipse in the back of the head, but Eclipse doesn't seem
to notice as he licks the turnbuckle. Klumpper then turns Eclipse around
and the big monster nails him with a chop in the top of the head. The
sheepherder goes crashing to the floor and Eclipse turns back around to lick
the turnbuckle.)
Tenay: What the hell is he doing?
Schiavone: Wait a minute....didn't some of the interns help set up the ring?
Tenay: I think so...why?
Schiavone: Well....er...nevermind..
(Tenay gives Schiavone a puzzled look as Klumpper tries once again to turn
Eclipse around. This time he's successful, but the masked man grabs him,
lifts him high into the air, and sends him crashing into the mat. Eclipse
lets out a bloodcurdling scream and drops a big elbow on the rookie.
Eclipse goes for the pin as the ref hits the mat to count.)
One...
Tenay: Klumpper kicks out at one!
Schiavone: At least Eclipse isn't licking the turnbuckle anymore.
(Eclipse pulls Klumpper to his feet and throws him into the ropes. He tries
for a clothesline, but the Sheepman ducks and bounces off the other side
catching him with a flying forearm.)
Schiavone: Klumpper going up top!
Tenay: Klumpper with a splash...NO! Eclipse gets the knees up! Where is he
going?
(Eclipse climbs out of the ring and picks up his chainsaw.)
Oh my god! Get that damn thing away from him!
Schiavone: He's trying to saw the ring post in half!
(Sparks fly all over the ring area as Eclipse digs the saw into the ring
post. Referee Snyde yells at him to get back in the ring, but the monster
just growls at him. Klumpper slides out of the ring on the other side and
picks up a chair out of the crowd.)
Tenay: He's gonna kill us!
Schiavone: He's not even over here! Will you shut up!
(The sheepherder goes to hit Eclipse in the back with the chair, but he
turns around slamming the chainsaw into the chair. The two hit chair
against chainsaw until Klumpper trips over the ring steps. Eclipse holds
the chainsaw high into the air over the fallen sheepman.)
Schiavone: MY GOD NO!
Tenay: I knew I should have went to the WWF!
(Eclipse slams the chainsaw down, but misses Klumpper who moves out of the
way. The sheepman then gets up and nails Eclipse in the head with a kick
making him drop his saw.)
Schiavone: Thank goodness! That was almost too short of a career for the
rookie.
Tenay: Klumpper sends the monster inside.
(Klumpper climbs to the top again, but is caught by Eclipse. The monster
attempts to chokeslam him off of the top rope, but Klumpper blocks it and
lands on his feet. Klumpper then ducks under and picks up Eclipse on his
shoulders slamming him into a Death Valley Bomb.)
Tenay: That's it! That's his move....The Sheepshagger!
Schiavone: Klumpper on top for the cover!
One...two...THREE!
Klumpper wins his first match!
Tenay: And over the monster at that!
(Klumpper jumps up on to the turnbuckle with his arms in the air. The
camera then cuts to the room in the back, which looks much like an office.
There we see Revelations sitting at a desk and his new valet Mystic.)
Revelations: I don't understand this crap! First, I'm told that I'm getting
a title shot and now I'm not. This sucks.
Mystic: (rubbing Rev's shoulders) A miscarriage of justice...
Rev: Yeah! I mean, Varjay can come in here and put himself in a match.
That isn't fair.
Mystic: A shame...you know I think he was jealous...
Rev: Jealous? Why? He's my buddy.
Mystic: Why do you think he keeps you in his shadow? You're obviously the
one who carries the team...
Rev: Well....hehe...maybe
Mystic: You had the title shot. You have the beautiful valet. You have
the...stroke...
Rev: Uh...yeah! I should be in that damn match, not him! I was the one
getting the title shot!
Mystic: Mantango and Husker just put themselves in the match. If they can,
you can too...
Rev: You're right! I'm gonna be in that damn match! I should be in that
damn match! I'm not letting Var run over me anymore! I listen to no one!
Mystic: Go and tell Terry Taylor you're in the match.......NOW!
Rev: Oh...yeah (runs out of the room and down the hall)
Mystic: (sits down in the chair) Men are so easy....
(Screen cuts back to the announce booth with Schiavone and Tenay, who is
sipping some bottle from out of his coat pocket.)
Schiavone: What now? A FIVE way dance? I can't believe it!
Tenay: I wonder where Mystic came from.
Schiavone: Will you try to concentrate?
Tenay: I am...
Schiavone: Well, our next match is for the NZWA World tag titles
as....(holding the ear piece to his ear) what?
(The camera cuts to the locker room of Montyrob, who is sitting on a chair
taping up his wrists. In walks Fett with a huge smile on his face.)
Fett: Did you hear?
(Montyrob ignores him)
Zomb's bitch made an open challenge to anyone in the fed for a shot tonight.
ANYONE...
Montyrob: So? What has that got to do with us? Who are we facing tonight?
Fett: Didn't you hear me? A shot...at the World title. Who cares about the
damn tag belts? I wanna be THE champ.
Monty: (raising an eyebrow) What? You? (starts to laugh)
Fett: What is that supposed to mean? Everyone knows I carry this team! If
it wasn't for me, you wouldn't even have a belt!
Monty: (rising to his feet) Look little man, (pushing Fett aside) you aren't
shit compared to me and I'll squash your ass like a bug. As for the title
shot, you might as well give it up. I'm gonna be World champion!
Fett: What? You....
Monty: (points to his ass) Talk to the ass, asshole....as for this (throws
one of the NZWA World tag team belts in the trash can) That's what I think
of you carrying the team. (walks out the door)
Fett: You big...big...bastard! I'm gonna kick your ass! I'll show
everyone! (throws his belt in the trash and runs out the door)
(Camera once again goes back to the announcers)
Schiavone: I...I can't believe it! We don't have a tag title match?
Tenay: Forget about the match, what about the tag titles?
Schiavone: Well, I guess we now have a SEVEN way dance for the World title!
I wonder if Dead Hardy thought his little challenge would get this out of
hand?
Tenay: It's going to hell......it's going to hell (rolls his eyes)
Schiavone: Have another drink. (to camera) Well folks, looks like we don't
have a tag title match or a US title match so that takes us to our next
match....Extreme1 vs Mentski!
(The sound of cars and trains crashing blast over the loudspeakers as
Extreme1's picture is shown on the NZ Tron. After a few minutes and no
entrance by Extreme, it plays again.)
Tenay: Oh hell, now what?
Schiavone: Where is Extreme1?
(The camera shows Extreme1, who is dressed in chain mail for some reason,
talking to Terry Taylor, Head of the NZWA Championship Committee.)
Terry Taylor: Come on, Extreme. Our whole card is completely shot and we
need you to wrestle in this match!
Extreme1: Do you think I'm stupid? Why the hell should I go out there and
wrestle in the "filler matches" if nobody else has to? I want my shot at
the title too, damn it!
Taylor: We can't have the whole damn fed in the title match?
Extreme: Why not? The whole damn fed is almost in the main event already?
Taylor: That just isn't sensible!
Extreme: What about the Royal Rumble?
Taylor: Uh....
Extreme: Well?
Taylor: Then who the hell is Mentski gonna wrestle?
Extreme: He's British....let him play with himself! Tenay'll get a kick out
of it. (walks off screen)
Taylor: Damn it....
(Mentski, dressed in denim shorts and a Death t-shirt, walks by
going toward the arena cafeteria.)
Taylor: Ski! Ski! I need to talk with you.
Mentski: What do you want? I don't bother with the suits. (turns to walk
away)
Taylor: Extreme1 doesn't want to wrestle you tonight because of the main
event challenge, so you have no opponent.
Ski: Cool...I'll just win the World title in the main event then...
Taylor: Er...what? You wanna be in the main event too? (throws his hands
up) How the hell do we put on a show with only two damn matches?
Ski: Not my problem.....but I'll be happy to win the title. We need a champ
with balls around here.
voice: You're not winning any damn thing!
(Just then The Degenerate Warrior slams a chair into Mentski's back sending
him reeling. Taylor ducks in the corner as Warrior picks Ski up and throws
him into a Coke machine. A can falls out at the impact.)
Degenerate Warrior: Who drinks this shit! (throws the can at Mentski)
You're not gonna be in any shape to win any title tonight, bitch!
(Warrior then stomps Ski in the groin and pulls him by his foot toward the
cafeteria door. He then puts his leg in the door and slams the door shut.
Mentski screams in pain, but tries to pull himself up to his feet.)
Where you going, Ski? We've only begun to party! (slams a chair into
Mentski's back) Taylor, you put me in that match tonight or I'm gonna rip
off your head and shove it up your ass! Got it?
(Taylor, cowering in the corner, shakes his head in agreement. Warrior then
runs off after Mentski who is crawling down the hall. The camera shows Tony
Schiavone and Mike Tenay once again.)
Schiavone: (looking at Tenay) I'm speechless...I really am. We don't have
any more matches besides this damn main event. I'll be ruined!
Tenay: (now relaxed from his drinking) Don't sweat it, Tone...I'm sure this
match will rock! (pumps his fist in the air)
Schiavone: I'm lost...(puts his head in his hands)
(Zombie is shown on the phone in his office.)
Zombie: You just get here, ok? I know...I know...don't worry about that.
Everything will go according to the plan...you just be here. Ok? Good...
(Zombie hangs up the phone smiling and walks out of the office.)
(Schiavone is shown listening to his earpiece and Tenay is dancing on the
table with a NZWA bandana over his head.)
Schiavone: Folks, I just heard.....will you get down off there!
Tenay: (jumping back down to his seat) Gotta keep the people happy, Tone.
Schiavone: Quit calling me that! I have news!
Tenay: Tone, Tone, Tony, Tony macaroni!
Schiavone: (ignoring Tenay) Folks I have just been informed that our next
match is the MAIN EVENT!
Tenay: Killer! Go Tony! Go Tony!
Schiavone: (to self) Why me? (looking back at the camera) I was told that
the match is being called a "Killer Kaleidoscope Deathmatch" for the NZWA
World title.
The rules are simple....No DQ, no count out, pinfalls count anywhere, and
it's elimination rules! Anyone in the fed may participate, but once they're
eliminated they are out. The match goes till the last man standing and the
final bell! To eliminate your opponent you must pin them or make them
submit.
(Several referees start coming out of the back and head toward the ring.)
The head referee for this match is senior official, Johnny Tingle and his
decision stands.
Tenay: ARE YOU READY TO ROCK!
(The crowd screams "YEAH" and Tenay jumps onto the table again, this time
doing an air guitar. Schiavone just sits in his seat shaking his head. As
he tries to get Tenay to sit down, a "Trip like I do" by Filter and Method
begins to play all over the arena and Husker Du walks out toward the ring
drinking water from a bottle.
Soon after he climbs into the ring, "Remember the Name" blasts out of the
speakers and across the NZ Tron. Kaylee bounces out and down the
entranceway pointing toward the curtain. Mantango appears and points toward
the ring. Both Mantango and Kaylee enter the ring and she begins to call
Husker, "shrimpdick."
The crowd begins to yell "shrimpdick shrimpdick" and Husker spits water all
over Kaylee. Mantango charges Husker and the match starts.)
Schiavone: Here we go and everyone isn't even down here yet!
(No sooner than this is said, Warrior comes flying into the guardrail from
the side of the entrance ramp. Mentski runs after and nails him in the head
with a broom handle. The two then brawl all the way to ringside.)
Tenay: NZWA NZWA NZWA!
Schiavone: This is crazy!
(The crowd chants along with Tenay and Montyrob walks out from behind the
curtain. Before he can complain about his music not playing, Fett hits him
in the head with a chair. Fett nails him a second time sending him crashing
down the ramp and towards the ring.)
Fett: I'm a big man, damn it! I'm a big man! (nails Monty again)
Schiavone: How the hell are we gonna keep up with who wins? Where are the
rules?
Tenay: Rules? We need no stinking rules! (takes a deep swig off of his
little bottle)
(Revelations then runs out to the ring with Mystic in tow and immediately
hits Mantango with a clothesline. Mystic jumps on the apron, but is pulled
down by Kaylee who rips her dress off revealing how tight her undergarments
are and a birthmark.)
Tenay: WHOO HOO! That's what I'm talking about!
Schiavone: Have you lost your mind?
Tenay: Take a sip, Tone! Lighten up......this is the NZWA!
(Schiavone looks at him cross for a moment and takes a drink from the
bottle. Meanwhile, Kaylee is choking Mystic with her own dress until
Revelations grabs her and pulls her up to the apron. Rev goes to hit her,
but is caught by a Mantango elbow in the back of the head. Kaylee drops
down to the ring apron.)
Tenay: Oh no....let me see if she's ok..
Schiavone: Stay put!
(Mantango throws Rev into Husker trying to get out of the corner. Husker
ducks and sends Rev flying over the ropes and to the floor.)
Watch out!
(Warrior sends Mentski flying into the guardrail by the announce booth.
Schiavone gets up screaming while Tenay toasts Warrior, who takes his bottle
and a drink. Warrior then charges at Ski who hiptosses him into the crowd.
The two fight all the way toward the back of the arena disappearing through
a door.)
Tenay: I love that guy! Hey, Tone, where's the champ?
(Varjay pushes his way through the curtain and poses on the stage. He then
runs full sprint toward the ring and attacks Rev standing by the apron.
Then out of the back, walks Dead Hardy with his head lowered. He snaps his
head back, screams, and drops the title before running toward the ring.)
Schiavone: Everyone is here! The match has started!
Tenay: (sitting on the floor) Where have you been?
(Hardy jumps into the ring and dropkicks Husker in the back of the head.
Husker drops Mantango, who he was going to piledrive, and falls to the mat.
Outside the ring, Fett throws Montyrob into the steel steps and then kicks
him in the gut.)
Schiavone: Watch out, Mike!
(Fett takes the now bleeding Montyrob and slams him head first into the
announce booth. He then climbs up on to the apron and jumps on to Monty,
who catches him in mid-air. Montyrob rams Fett into the steel ring post and
drops him to the floor.)
Tenay: This rules! Damn, I'm out of scotch! Tone, go get me a refill!
Schiavone: Will you......ARRG!
(Montyrob picks up Fett and throws him in the air powerbombing him through
the announcer's table. Monty pulls Fett out of the rubble and covers him.)
One....two......THREE!
Schiavone: Fett's eliminated!
Tenay: I need a refill, Tooonnnee!
Schiavone: Pay attention to the match, you idiot!
(Montyrob spits on the unconscious Fett and climbs back into the ring.
Revelations sends Varjay back up the ramp and crashing into the steel
supports of the NZ Tron.)
Schiavone: What the?
(Zombie comes through the curtain and nails Varjay with a chair. Rev then
picks up Varjay and throws him through the curtain.)
Zombie! What's he doing?
Zombie: I'm the man! I'm in charge! I'm in the MATCH! (leaves through the
curtain after Rev and Varjay)
Tenay: Who was that? Oh...thanks! (a fan hands Tenay a cup of beer)
Schiavone: It was Zombie and he's in the match! This is insane!
(Mantango crashes a chair over Husker's head and then Hardy nails him with a
legdrop. "This is Extreme" blasts over the speakers as Extreme1 runs out
from the back with a shovel. He then jumps in the ring and nails Mantango
in the head.)
I forgot about Extreme! Now's it's started!
(Extreme turns around and is met with a clothesline by Hardy. Montyrob
kicks Husker in the stomach and throws him out of the ring.)
Tenay: Oh no.....here we go again.
Schiavone: What else can happen?
(Just then the sound of breaking glass fills the arena and a familiar theme
plays. Running out of the back and towards the ring is...)
RNR STONECOLD! HE'S BACK!
(Stonecold hit's the ring and goes right after Mantango. Mantango tries to
hit him, but RnR blocks it and sends him into the ropes. Mantango ducks a
clothesline and floats over him for a DDT.)
Tenay: This rocks! (dirty dancing with a fan at ringside)
Schiavone: I thought he was kicked out! You can't keep the rattlesnake
down!
Tenay: He's down right now....
(Mantango picks up RnR and sends him into the ropes. Mantango goes for a
hiptoss, but Stonecold reverses it into...)
Schiavone: STUNNER! STUNNER!
(Kaylee jumps up on the apron and begins to blow kisses at RnR. He looks at
her and reaches his hands into his trunks.)
Tenay: Damn!
Schiavone: He can't do that here!
(RnR pulls out a box of Tic-Tacs and throws them at Kaylee.)
RnR Stonecold: Use 'em where you need 'em, Toots!
(The crowd screams "RnR RnR RnR" and Kaylee flips him off. Mantango tries
to grab Stonecold, but RnR kicks him in the gut and nails another Stunner.)
Schiavone: RnR covers!
One.....two.....THREE!
He's pinned the US champ! I can't believe it!
(Mantango rolls out of the ring and RnR jumps up on the turnbuckle flipping
him off.)
Tenay: Hey, doesn't he bring beer? Hey RnR!
(Extreme hits RnR from behind and goes to throw him out of the corner. RnR
ducks a clothesline by Hardy, who hits Extreme, and nails Montyrob over the
top rope. Husker kicks RnR from behind, but gets a fist in the jaw for his
trouble.)
Schiavone: This is great!
Tenay: This is the NZWA, what do you expect?
(Hardy grabs Extreme around the head, walks up the turnbuckle, and spins off
nailing him with his Ashes to Ashes maneuver. Hardy covers Extreme.)
One....Two...THREE!
Schiavone: Extreme1 is gone! Hey, where the hell is Mentski and Warrior?
(The camera cuts to Warrior sending Mentski crashing into the Nightmare
mural hanging in the lobby of the NZWA Arena. Warrior picks up Ski and
throws him into the information desk. They're surrounded by a crowd of
screaming fans and frightened secretaries.)
Warrior: I'm in the mood for pain! (charges at Mentski)
Schiavone: They're in the lobby!
(Mentski moves and delivers a droptoe hold on Warrior sending him crashing
into the desk face first.)
Ski: Good...you're gonna feel pain.
Schiavone: My god!
(Ski picks up Warrior and sends him into the statue of Mick Foley in the
lobby front hallway. The statue breaks into a thousand pieces and Ski takes
a leg nailing Warrior in the head.)
I should have gotten rid of you a long time ago.
(Warrior nails Ski between the legs, grabs him, and throws him through the
lobby's front glass window.)
Schiavone: OH MY GOD! HE THREW HIM THROUGH THE WINDOW!
Tenay: DAAAAAAMMMMMNNNNN!
Warrior: Oooo...that must have hurt.
(Ski lay bleeding in the front of the NZWA Arena. Warrior steps out of the
broken window and grabs Ski by the hair. Mentski reaches up with a shard of
glass and stabs Warrior in the shoulder. Warrior yells in pain and falls
against a blue BMW. Ski picks up the statue leg and hits Warrior in the
head. The two fight all the way down the parking lot.)
Schiavone: It's Varjay and Zombie fighting in the back.
Varjay: Time for a ride, deadman!
(The camera shows Varjay throwing Zombie into a stack of crates
in the backstage area of the NZWA Arena. Revelations tries to hit Varjay
with a pipe, but Var kicks him making him drop it. Varjay grabs him sending
him crashing through two large double doors marked "NZ Cafeteria." The
people in the cafeteria scream and run out the doors in the back. Mean Gene
is standing toward the front trying to get out of the way.)
Schiavone: Watch out Gene!
(Zombie crashes through the door and knocks the beer out of Mean Gene's
hand. Zombie then grabs him throwing him into the wall.)
Mystic: Get him, Rev!
(Rev hits Var in the throat, but Zombie nails him when Varjay moves. Rev
looks at Zombie, who extends a hand to his brother, and pushes him into a
stack of chairs against the wall. Varjay spins Revelations around, grabs
him, and Rock Bottoms him through a table. Mystic tries to help Rev up, but
Varjay pushes her away and covers Revelations.)
One......Two...THREE!
Schiavone: Rev is eliminated! He gave him the...the...
Tenay: Can we get sued because he did that?
Schiavone: I don't know! Who cares!
Mystic: Noooo! (jumps on Varjay's back)
(While Zombie is getting to his feet, he grabs Mean Gene and Double Arm DDTs
him on the floor. Zombie then covers him. Referee Jerry Wiley gives him a
puzzled look and then counts the pin.)
Schiavone: Mean Gene isn't in the match!
One....two....THREE!
Tenay: I guess you don't know everything do you?
(Varjay pulls Mystic off of his back and down onto a table. He then stands
on the table and pulls her up locking both her arms in a Pedigree position.)
Schiavone: He's going for the VarHammer! On Mystic!
(Varjay delivers a Pedigree on Mystic through the table. He then hooks her
leg in a pin.)
One....Two....THREE!
Tenay: Throw the rules out, Tone!
(Zombie then nails Varjay in the head with a chair as the camera cuts back
to the ring.)
Schiavone: I can't believe what's happened!
(Kaylee and Mantango argue in the aisle as Hardy hit's Husker with a
moonsault.)
Kaylee: What's wrong with you? I don't hang with losers! (slaps Mantango)
Schiavone: She paintbrushed him!
(Mantango runs back to ringside and grabs the timekeeper's bell. He jumps
in the ring and nails RnR Stonecold in the head, who is stomping Montyrob in
the corner. Mantango leaves as Monty covers RnR.)
One....Two...THREE!
Schiavone: RnR is out!
Tenay: And back up and chasing after Mantango! This rules!
Schiavone: He'll chase them clear out of the arena!
(Hardy, Husker, Montyrob, and Referee Johnny Tingle are left in the ring.
Hardy and Husker looks at each other and then surround Montyrob. Suddenly,
the lights go out.)
Tenay: Not again!
Schiavone: I can't see my hands! Hey!
Tenay: Sorry...
(The lights come back on and a figure stands in the center of the ring. He
is dressed in black from head to toe and wearing white face paint.)
Schiavone: OH MY GOD! IT'S STING!
Tenay: NO! IT'S CHAMELEON!
Schiavone: NO! IT'S CHAMELEON STING!
(Hardy and Husker rush Chameleon, but he nails both of them with a
clothesline. Montyrob then nails him from behind and slings him into the
corner. Chameleon reverses and Monty goes crashing into the turnbuckle.)
A Stinger Splash! Husker grabs Chameleon in a half-nelson. A reverse by
Chameleon! Scorpion Death Drop!
Tenay: Hey, a pin!
One....Two...THREE!
Husker is gone!
(Hardy nails Montyrob with a spinning elbow dropping him to the mat.
Chameleon steps through locking Montyrob in a Scorpion Death Lock. Hardy
bounces off the ropes and slides into Montyrob kicking him in the head.
Montyrob fights all he can, but soon taps out.)
He tapped out! I can't believe it! Chameleon eliminated Montyrob!
(Hardy and Chameleon circle the ring staring at each other and the camera
cuts to the NZWA Arena parking lot. Warrior is seen sending Mentski
crashing into the side of a bus. Ski stumbles along the side and climbs
into it. Warrior climbs in after him.)
Tenay: They're on a bus! The Magic Bus! Yeah!
Schiavone: The doors closed and the ref isn't on! It's pulling away!
(Referee Barney Flagg chases after the bus, but it hits the last gear and
drives out of sight. He walks back waving his arms in the air.)
Referee Flagg: That's it! They're out! They're out!
Schiavone: What? The ref's thrown out Warrior and Mentski!
Tenay: That leaves four! Where is Varjay and the boss?
(As Chameleon and Hardy fight in the ring, Varjay comes tumbling out of a
door at the top of the arena. Zombie follows him out and knocks him down
the steps all the way to the ring.)
Schiavone: He knocked him all the way down the steps! Zombie charges
Varjay....OH! Varjay backdrops him over the guardrail!
(Hardy springboards off of the turnbuckle to the outside nailing Varjay with
a Senton Splash.)
Tenay: Wow!
Schiavone: He's gonna kill himself one day.
(Zombie crawls toward the ring and up to the apron. Chameleon grabs him,
but Zombie pulls down on his head draping him across the top rope. Zombie
steps in the ring and goes for a pin, but Chameleon jumps up before the ref
can even count once.)
Schiavone: We're down to the final four! Dead Hardy, Varjay, Zombie, and
Chameleon...one of these men will be the World champion.
(Zombie bounces off the ropes, but is tripped by Varjay. Chameleon jumps up
and nails Zombie with a Hurricanrana.)
Tenay: Does Sting do that?
Schiavone: Chameleon has his legs hooked!
One....Two....Three!
The boss is gone! Chameleon pinned Zombie!
(Zombie jumps up, but falls back out of the ring smiling. Varjay on the
other hand, throws Hardy in the ring. Chameleon locks him in the Scorpion
Death Lock, but Varjay catches him in a bulldog from behind.)
Tenay: He saved Dead Hardy? Why?
Schiavone: I don't know!
(Chameleon and Varjay starts to fight. Hardy comes up behind Chameleon,
reaches under him, and hits him with a low blow. Varjay puts Chameleon's
head between his legs, hooks both arms, and Hardy grabs Chameleon's feet.
They jump in the air driving Chameleon into the mat. Hardy rolls Chameleon
over and both men cover him.)
A pin!
One....Two....THREE! Chameleon's eliminated! We're down to two!
Tenay: The original two, Tony Tone Tone!
(Hardy and Varjay look at each other and tie up. They back against the
ropes where Var sends Hardy to the ropes on the other side. Hardy ducks
under a Varjay clothesline and springboards off the ropes catching him with
an elbow. Hardy picks up Varjay and goes for a scoop slam, but Varjay flips
over his shoulder catching him in a Crucifix Armbar.)
Tenay: Jujigatame!
Schiavone: Bless you...
Tenay: No! The armbar! Jujigatame!
(Schiavone gives him a puzzled look)
Oh nevermind (takes a long swallow of beer)
(Hardy screams in pain, but will not submit. He inches over toward the
ropes and reaches out with his other arm.)
Schiavone: They're just out of reach! Varjay has him locked in!
(Zombie pushes the ropes forward and Hardy catches it with his hand.
Referee Tingle counts to four and Varjay breaks the hold. He jumps to his
feet looking at Zombie.)
He just helped Hardy? What's going on here? I smell something funny!
Tenay: Sorry...
Schiavone: Shut up, Mike...
(Dead Hardy hits Varjay with a low blow and pushes him into the corner.
Favoring his left arm, Hardy picks up Varjay placing him on the top
turnbuckle.)
He's going for a Hurricanrana off the top rope!
(Dead Hardy jumps into the air wrapping his legs around Varjay's head, but
Zombie has a hold of Varjay's feet not letting him go forward. With Hardy
stuck upside down on him, Var hooks both of Hardy's arms and leaps forward
Pedigreeing him off of the second rope.)
Tenay: HOLY....
Schiavone: MOLY!
Tenay: Uh...no....but...
Schiavone: A super VarHammer!
Tenay: Zombie's getting in the ring....I wonder why?
Schiavone: What's he got in his hand?
(Varjay turns around and gets nailed by Zombie. He pulls Hardy on top of
Varjay. Referee Tingle counts the pin.)
One...Two...THREE!
DEAD HARDY WINS!
Tenay: I thought they hated each other's guts!
(Zombie opens his hand letting an steel spike fall to the mat. Hardy
stumbles to his feet as Zombie stops the ref from ringing the bell.)
Tenay: I have a headache....who's that?
Schiavone: Oh no! A fan is in the ring!
(Someone in a dark hooded sweatshirt climbs over the guardrail and into the
ring. The stranger has a lead pipe. Hardy turns around and gets nailed in
the head with the pipe. Zombie turns the ref around as the hooded stranger
makes the cover on Hardy. The ref counts the pin.)
One........Two.......THREE!
(Zombie and the referee call for the bell as the stranger stands of the
fallen Hardy. Zombie gives the belt to the stranger and pulls off the hood
to reveal....)
Tenay & Schiavone: IT'S CATHY!
Schiavone: Cathy! She's the new World champion!
Tenay: That's who he was calling! That was the plan!
Zombie: (taking the mic) Finally, a champion I can be proud of!
(Hardy gets to his feet behind Zombie and pushes him.)
Hardy: What are you doing? YOU SCREWED ME AGAIN!
Zombie: Don't worry about it, my boy. You've been replaced!
(Cathy hits Hardy from behind with the pipe. Varjay tries to get up, but
Zombie gives him the Double Arm DDT. The evil couple then beat down the two
fallen wrestlers and leave the ring arm in arm.)
Schiavone: It was all a scam! The whole damn thing!
Tenay: What's gonna happen next?
Schiavone: What's gonna happen on Nitro?
Tenay: I don't know!
Schiavone: Well, tune in and see! Till next time, I'm Tony Schiavone for
Mike Tenay......GOODNIGHT!
(The screen fades to black as Varjay and Hardy are laid out in the ring and
bleeding.)
***************************************
All rights reserved
copyright. NZ Sports Inc. 2000
***************************************